Bunker Mentality

Where did Pro-Celebrity golf ego?

Bunker Mentality

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That will be worth winning then. Gabby Logan, daughter of former Welsh footballer Terry Yorath and sports presenter, is offering the public a round of golf with her husband Kenny Logan to whoever comes up with most cash at auction for Comic Relief.

No disrespect to Logan, who once played rugby union 70 times or so for Scotland, but it doesn't hold the same appeal as getting in a quick 18 and a pint of confidence at the 19th hole with Kenny Lynch. Or how about Kenny Rogers? Then you would be talking.

On the subject of Rogers, have you seen his dome lately? Bunker Mentality swears the American singer looks younger this weather than he did when he recorded Islands in the Stream with Dolly Parton back in the eighties.

The whole celebrity aspect of golf got Bunker Mentality thinking as he cleaned his lob wedge this morning. Namely, where has it gone?

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Tiger Woods probably crosses the great divide between golf and celebrity nowadays with his ability to fill the gossip rags and pass on advice on how to regularly hole out from eight feet. Which may well be one and the same thing.

But BM prefers to know the true celebrity from its professional golfer. We want pro celebrities on the golf course wearing polo necks, a pair of Farah action slacks and a putrid checkered sweater that looks like it has been vomited over.

More importantly, we want gigantic egos on the course, a bit like Sean Connery or Jackie Stewart (above), taking the game as seriously as Jack Nicklaus in his pomp, but playing more like Jack Douglas from the Carry On films. Celebs are rare these days who can name drop about the time they shared a stage or a putting green with Dean Martin, or a bar bill or three with Elvis Presley.

Bunker Mentality laps up those sort of tales, it really does. Sadly, they no longer exist on such a grand scale as they did three decades ago when the UK only had three terrestrial channels. Ah, those were the days. The good old days when life wasn't so seriouis. BM is not really bothered if the celebs are likeable characters, either.

For all we care, they can be like the guy who tried to whack celebrity golfer Michael Douglas's character with a golf ball in Falling Down. We love them to be pampered and full of new money, thinking that they own the course. That is what made Pro-Celebrity golf so watchable.

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Back in the day, the public and the watching public would been force-fed a diet of variety entertainers.

Bruce Forsyth, Jimmy Tarbuck, Kenny Lynch and Ronnie Corbett would stride the course alongside Gary Player and the Tom Watsons of this world.

Peter Alliss hosted Pro-Celebrity golf over 100 times and apparently gave Connery golf lessons before he filmed Goldfinger. 

There are legendary tales of the late comic Peter Cook polishing off brandies from his mini-bar at 7.30am at La Manga while munching breakfast and ciggies before embarking on a round with Ian Baker-Finch.

Names such as Michael Jordan, Bill Murray, Michael Douglas, Sly Stallone and Samuel L Jackson compete regularly in such events in the US, while there is the Alfred Dunhill Links Championship in Scotland that includes an assortment of faces. There was also Ant & Dec's Pro-Celebrity Cup that included figures such as Alice Cooper and Patrick Duffy a few years ago, but we would like something a bit less intense. 

Sadly, proper celebrities seem to be a dying breed. BM urges television companies to get Pro-Celebrity golf back on the small screen. Preferably, get it back on prime time some time soon.

In the meantime, there is always the chance to bid for a round with Kenny Logan.

Personally, I'd make a donation to Comic Relief and wait until Terry Wogan becomes available.

Tweets of the week

"Just being seen, 64 different allergies I'm being tested for. Will be interesting to see. My back is itching like crazy already."

"So funny I'm allergic to every type of grass apart from 1 quality effort that. And All trees apart from 3. Chuffed to pieces."

Ian "Poults" Poulter finds out he is allergic to grass. This ailment apparently hits him hardest in the pollen season between March and July, which is a bit of pain in the grass with three of the four majors shoehorned into that period. Happy sniffing, Ian.

Rounds of the week

It may be constantly changing, but Europe has the world's three best golfers in its midst. In case you hadn't heard, world number one Martin Kaymer will join Lee Westwood and Luke Donald in teeing it up at Doral for their three-ball on Thursday and Friday at the WGC-Cadillac Championship.

That not enough for you? Number four, five and six in the world go out with Graeme McDowell, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson enjoying their company. The 50 best players in the world are competing at the event. What you would call a spectator's dream. 

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