Cow Corner

  • National Ryan Day

    Ryan Sidebottom capped a memorable year last night by being named England's "overpriced official mobile phone provider" Player of the Year.

    Britain and the Netherlands have the fewest bank holidays among EU countries with just eight, compared with Spain and Portugal which have 14.

    So Cowers would like to nominate today as a Ryan Sidebottom National Holiday.

    So don your ginger wigs, roll over your left arm and tell your boss, you are going down the pub to celebrate.

    Here's ten things you need to know to celebrate Ryan Sidebottom Day.

    1) He has his own song, to the tune of Robin Hood:

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  • Patience is a virtue

    South Africa 242-1: STUMPS The new ball is gradually losing its shine - and with it goes interest in today's action. Nothing more to tell you about as the day's play comes to a close with South Africa on 242-1, a grand total of 104 runs behind England. It certainly makes for an interesting day tomorrow. Or not, as the case may be. See you then.

    South Africa 233-1: McKenzie reaches 100! Well played! That might not have been the most scintillating innings ever, but it has been patient and calm - just what South Africa needed this morning. The job is still only half done though and his muted

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  • First Test: Biggest non-day in history

    17.22 - THAT'S IT FOR THE DAY! ALL OVER! The umpires have had enough. They want to get back to the hotel in time to watch whatever guff programme Ant and Dec are currently sapping the life out of.

    Thanks for joining me. Make sure you come back tomorrow...Cowers is going to be hungover and angry... 

    17.14 - The rain has got harder. Seriously, get off the computer. Go have a shower, pour yourself a Captain Morgan's, do your hair, put some Queen on the stereo. Tonight is going to be your night. You own tonight. You'e the man. No-one can touch you. No-one can hurt you. You dig?

    16.46 - There is

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  • Old school draw

    4.50PM - SA 392-3 dec (167 overs) - Pietersen and Cook have an over of off-spin each, SA declare and that is it. A farcical end to proceedings. IT'S A DRAW. Stay tuned for the naming of the squad for Headingley and we'll back tomorrow for the fall-out before our steam train takes us to Leeds for Friday's second Test.

    SCORECARD | MATCH GALLERY    

    4.45PM - SA 390-3 (165 overs) - Amla cuts Collingwood to the boundary and that's his fifth century, coming off 231 balls. Shortly after the light is offered (even though it's not that dark) and the players go off. Handshakes all around and they think

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  • Colly wobbler

    What a match! Collingwood goes into the Kiwi dressing room to try to make peace...but is given short shrift by the tourists! No hand-shake, and a sour way to end what was a superb match. Thanks for joining me, make sure you return for the final ODI on Saturday...

    New Zealand 246-9 (50 overs) WRIGHT ALMOST DOES IT FOR ENGLAND! HE CONCEDES JUST ONE RUN FROM HIS FIRST FIVE BALLS! KIWIS NEED TWO TO WIN FROM THE FINAL BALL...A QUICK SINGLE, A SHY AT THE STUMPS...THE BALL MISSES, AND NEW ZEALAND TAKE THE OVERTHROW TO WIN IT! 

    New Zealand 234-9 (48 overs) Maiden from Swann! Gillespie can't get the

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  • Counties face winter of discontent

    Winter is a strange time for a county cricketer. After a frenzied six-month spell through the summer when they flog harder than a 15-year-old boy with a Playboy Pamela Anderson special edition, a fallow six-months suddenly looms.

    Until a few years ago, taking up a temporary job selling Christmas trees or delivering yellow pages were the only way the honest county pro could make ends meet through the cold, dark winter.

    Nowadays, the Indian Cricket League is offering a way out for those players not good enough to make an international tour, or too lazy or bashful to play club cricket abroad.

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  • Not safe from Harm

    A new dawn in English cricket is upon us, and to celebrate the unpredictable maverick Kevin Pietersen has ushered in his fanfare-and-fireworks reign as South African-born England captain with one of most predictable team selections on record.

    While Cow accepts Peter Moore-bid was heavily involved, the return of Steve Harmison and Stuart Broad for the third Test against South Africa at The Oval was hardly the lighning bolt to signal KP's introduction Cow was yearning for.

    Broad's selection we can understand. After all, he looks eerily like Heath Ledger's character in the spectacularly

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  • Moores: Doesn’t know what he’s doing

    Lots and lots and lots of hoo-ha over the last 48 hours about Michael Vaughan and Paul Collingwood resigning the England captaincy, and Kevin Pietersen taking over the roles.

    Cowers has tried to get his head around the fussin' and a faffin'; tried to reason out a legitimate and rational response to it all.

    The conclusion? That rather than Vaughan and Collingwood, it should have been coach Peter Moores handing back his ECB shellsuit, polo-shirt and cap. By rights, it should have been Moores weeping in front of the cameras like a nine-year-old girl begging for the return of her dog-napped

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  • England waste chance to build

    South Africa 37-1 (9 overs) CLOSE OF PLAY: England will be delighted to have got the wicket of Smith before the close, but they will be disappointed not to have made more of their promising position with the bat earlier in the day. 

    South Africa 13-1 (5 overs):  McKenzie and Amla are doing a good job of seeing their side through this tricky spell; Harmison is roaring in from the other end, but just hasn't got his line yet.

    South Africa 4-1 (2 overs): EDGED! THROUGH THE GAP AT SLIP! McKenzie edges through the gap between third slip and gully. Nervous times for South Africa.

    South Africa 0-1 (1

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  • Taxi for Fred

    On Monday, Andrew Flintoff made just eight as Lancashire slumped to an embarrassing two-run Friends Provident Trophy defeat to KwaZulu Natal Guest XI, or Scotland as they are sometimes known.

    Today, the 30-year-old England all-rounder is in court after he was alleged to have been clocked driving at 87mph in a temporary 50mph zone of the M62.

    Freddie obviously needs a chauffeur. If it's not cars, it's pedalos and we can only suggest he sits in the passenger seat on jet skis, wakeboards or anything else that moves faster than 10mph in the future.

    He's not the first England player to have had

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