Cow Corner had a sheltered upbringing - it was educated from home and forfeited text books for hardback copies of Wisden Almanack with the only visual stimulation being the John Player League. "Cowers" is the illegitimate sibling of Early Doors and can often be seen on park benches around St John's Wood trying to sell signed copies of Colin Dredge's autobiography. Cow has been known to bowl some military medium whilst wielding the long handle at the bottom of the order and answers to one God and one God only, that known as Benaud.
The first edition of Cow Corner is the online cricket blog equivalent of the assassination of John F Kennedy — a definitive "where were you when?" moment which will go down in the annals on a par with the never to be forgotten moment when Mark Ramprakash finally got into the thirties in a Test match.
If you are bored with online commentary along the lines of:
1.1 Martin to Cook, no run, forward defensive
1.2 Martin to Cook, no run, forward defensive
1.3 Martin to Cook, no run, PLEASE HIT THE THING AT SOME POINT THIS MORNING
And have found in the last couple of years our rivals' attempts at banter has become staler than a budget loaf at Lidl (hmmm, we wonder why that could be), then Cow Corner is the place to be.
Every day of this international summer we will be updating the blog every 15 minutes from 10am to 7pm. You will be able to keep up to date with the all the action via our commentary and ball-by-ball scorecard plus we will be providing plenty of colour and a forum to discuss the day's events.
We will be getting right to the heart of the important issues such as how long would it take Mike Gatting to eat his own body weight in pork pies and does Arnie Sidebottom know that it isn't his son opening the bowling for England but the illegitimate child of Robert Plant.
England are playing 48 days of international cricket this summer and that means two things — Bob Willis will say "terrible England" on at least 96 occasions and Cow Corner will be giving away 48 competition prizes (for those of you who went to a state school after 1983, we will clarify — that's one competition per day).
So Cow Corner is the place to be for all the scores, chat, irreverent discussion and most importantly the place to be for freeloaders and those wishing to boost their rating on ebay (NB: marketing have just e-mailed in to confirm that a pair of Yahoo! flip flops have been secured, we repeat flip flops)
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And it's not just international cricket — every weekday during the summer there will be a new post on Cow Corner.
Unlike our sibling Early Doors, CC doesn't care for early mornings with a good night's sleep paramount after a heavy night lying on the bed having a cheeky flick through laminated magazines full of Bells, Willeys, Butts and even the occasional Sidebottom.
But by Noon we should have mustered something topical whether it be county cricket, the IPL, the ICL, the WWF or the CID and remember CLICK HERE for all the scores from around the county grounds where 29 pensioners are currently thumbing through the 2008 Saga catalogue as Azhar Mahmood asks himself why he's not playing for the Chennai Super Kings right now.
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We also want to delve into the grass roots of the game although our early attempts to become the official online blog of the Estonian national team have been snubbed.
There are few things more English than incompetence on a cricket field, well maybe apart from building airport terminals and missing penalties.
So we wish to adopt your club team — the less talented the better. If you play for Heckmondwike 6s in Division 13b of the Bradford Half Holiday League or are hideously out of your depth at a higher standard, we want to know.
This is an unrivalled chance to ridicule players at your club on a national level — so send us your feedback below and if we get some good naff teams, we could even launch a virtual league sponsored by someone of equal incompetence — British Gas seem to fit the bill.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Boris Johnson, I don't know who he is," Sussex coach Mark Robinson (first-class innings 259, first-class runs 590) shows that his knowledge of politics is on a par with his ability to play a forward defensive.
FOREIGN VIEW: The Royal Challengers received a boost when Zaheer Khan announced that he had regained his fitness and that he would feature in the inaugural match of the Indian Premier League, when the Bangalore-based outfit take on the Kolkata Knight Riders on Friday. But no news yet on whether the Hof will be watching his side in action.
TALKING POINT: Come on become famous — enter your team or a team in your local league as a contender to become Cow Corner's useless adopted club side of 2008.
COMING UP: Seven Championship games are up and running - VISIT THE LIVE SCORES and find out who is seeing it like a golf ball early on this season.