"From the Eternal Sea, He rises, creating armies on either shore, turning man against his brother, till Cricket exists, no more."
Is Cricket the sport in which Politics interferes most? Yes. Yes it is.
In the 1930s there was Bodyline; then came Apartheid, the Basil D'Olivera affair and rebel tours. Now it is Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe and suicide bombs potentially causing the postponment of the Champions Trophy.
Thoroughly vexing, no?
It's Twenty20 finals day on Saturday, and this year's all-day extravaganza will have not-insignificant added interest: an extra bit of fizz in the Champagne, if you will; an extra slice of cucumber in its Pimms; a super-frothy head on its slightly warm lager; a few extra onions on its hotdog; an even boozier cheer for the beer snake; an especially vibrant hue to the sunburn.
Whoever out of Kent, Essex, Durham and Middlesex lifts the cup will earn the right to take on Trinidad & Tobago, the 2008 Stanford 20/20 champions, ahead of the £10million winner-takes-all match between Stanford's All Stars team against England.
Apparently, Stanford will offer each member of the county £30,000 if they beat T&T, which is intended to go some way towards compensating the counties if the proposed Champions League, which is due to feature the two teams that contest the final, fails to take place.
Further proof, if it were needed, that Stanford is a bit of a looner. A looner so rich that he drives a car with a prescription windscreen. An eccentric so rich he's even suspicious of his dog's affection. An oddball so rich, he has more dollars than sperm.
Incidentally, what exactly is a "West Indies All Stars" team? It's a phrase Cowers has heard a lot of since Stanford arrived on the world game in his gold-plated helicopter - but has never truly been explained.
Given the fact that there are clearly no "Stars" in West Indies cricket anymore, who is Stanford going to dredge up? Gary Sobers? Sir Viv? Charlie Griffith?
Most pointless fixture of the day: Bangladesh A v South Africa, in a Tour match in Worcester. Bangladesh A? Really? Eleven players deemed not good enough for the full Bangladesh side? Who have they called up? Konnie Huq?
And another thing: as Cowers was laying in his saggy, mysteriously-stained single bed last night, unable to sleep, he had just one recurring thought echoing around like a bouncy-ball in an empty school hall:
I just wander why there are so many celebs and sports stars chating on---------
U n i f o r m e d m a t c h *c 0 m---------- dose they just have fun or have a hot dating? I will check it out,it's so strenge.
You can't deny it: it's so strenge.
COMING UP: County action; final day of the latest round in the Championship.
TALKING POINT: Why can't we all just get along? Let's give peace a chance. Make love, not war. After all, a man without ethics is a wild beast loosed upon this world...