7pm: NZ 40-0 (15 overs) - Ambrose is having a stinker of a day and puts down a tough-ish catch down the leg-side as Redmond tickles Broad off his pads. England's misery is compounded as Vaughan goes down in instalments at mid-on and allows a How shot to go for four.
That's stumps and with NZ trailing by just two runs, we have in effect a one-day club match. terrysmith2104 please e-mail email@example.com with your postal details as you are a lip salve champion. We're back at 10am tomorrow and I think I have a signed book to giveaway.
6.45pm: NZ 32-0 (11 overs) - Pitches middle and off, straightens and hits Redmond's pad in front of off. A classic left-arm slow bowler's delivery but umpire Taufel shakes his head. He decides to hit his way of trouble by smacking Broad back over his head for a second boundary.
6.30pm: NZ 22-0 (6 overs) - They've got the bunting out in Otago as a Sidebottom half-tracker is dispatched square on the off-side by Redmond who avoids the dreaded debut pair. Jamie How has meanwhile hit three boundaries on both sides of the wicket and that prompts Vaughan to bring Monty into the attack.
6.15pm: NZ 7-0 (3 overs) - The Kiwis are minus 35 without loss. Redmond is on a pair and has the unnerving sight of a small child in a green t-shirt, running across his line of sight just as Sidebottom is about to unleash an 80mph boomerang. He remains on nought.
5.50pm: England 319 (111.3 overs) - WICKET!! Vaughan smears a slog sweep straight down James Marshall's throat on the mid-wicket fence. Vettori gets his name on the Lord's board with a Michelle (five-for), Vaughan goes for 106 and England lead by 42 on first innings.
5.45pm: England 318-9 (110 overs) - WICKETS!! Sidebottom edges Mills to Taylor at second slip as the ball leaves the left-hander a fraction and Monty only last two balls before a bat-pad off Vettori is snaffled by Daniel Flynn. Vaughan is left with Jimmy Anderson.
5.30pm: England 316-7 (108 overs) - Vaughan has never been out in the nineties and he lifts Vettori through mid-wicket for his 11th boundary and his 18th Test century. The ton came up off 204 balls in 287 minutes and is his sixth hundred at Lord's which ties Graham Gooch's record. Well played Sir!
5.15pm: England 299-7 (105 overs) - Ryan Sidebottom is no bunny and he annoys Oram by steering him wide of third slip for his first boundary.
We are up to seven no-balls with is good news for terrysmith2104's mouth. He is on the brink of offering arviemail outside for a fist fight due to the latter's love of slap and tickle 20-20 cricket.
5pm: England 288-7 (100 overs) - ENGLAND LEAD!! There are 28 overs left in the day but unless Vaughan and the tail cut put on another 100 tonight this will surely be a draw.
4.45pm: England 276-7 (96 overs) - Vaughan hits Vettori for a hat-trick of boundaries through the offside but the returning Oram strikes. WICKET! The big man gets one to comes back up the hill, it clips Broad's inside edge and then pad en-route to off-stump and he departs for 25.
4.30pm: England 261-6 (93 overs) - Bounce and movement away from Vaughan by Southee and James Redmond dives one-handed away to his right at second slip but can't hold on. Broad then edges just short of Taylor at second slip but drives straight down the ground and through the covers emphatically to bring up the fifty partnership. He's in far better nick than Collingwood.
4.15pm: England 250-6 (90 overs) - Could be a long final session with 44 overs scheduled and play can go on until 7pm. Some people have got homes or fields to go to. If the history of Test cricket had started on March 14 then Broad would be averaging nearly 107 now.
3.45pm: England 239-6 (85 overs) - Vaughan's fifth boundary off Southee - a delicious cover drive. If the attractiveness of Test batsmen were akin to woman then the England skipper would be a Jessica Alba, Alastair Cook would be a Jessica Lange. I'll let you ponder that analogy over tea.
3.30pm: England 233-6 (83 overs) - A particularly hirsute Chris Cairns in the crowd with a beer, probably regaling his dismissal of Chris Read four years ago on this ground when he induced the England keeper to duck a slower ball. Meanwhile his Notts colleague Broad looks like all that work in the back garden with his old man has worked, he's looking very comfortable.
3.15pm: England 218-6 (78 overs) - Vaughan completes his 19th Test half-century off 125 balls. A quick look at his wagon wheel exposes a jam centre and the vast majority of runs through mid-wicket, 32 in question. The England skipper has punished anything straight.
3pm: England 208-6 (75 overs) -WICKETS! Vettori gets one to turn up the hill and Collingwood edges to Ross Taylor at first slip. Tim Ambrose then departs first ball as he shoulders arms to a delivery that drifts back into him and umpire Taufel lifts the deadly digit as it would have pegged back off-stump. Luca is on a hat-trick but Stuart Broad survives.
What a shame arviemail missed it all as he was watching the rain come down in the IPL.
2.45pm: England 203-4 (73 overs) - Southee obviously fancies a week down the Trafford Centre rather than playing at Old Trafford next week. His figures are 10-0-44-0 as he is clipped through mid-wicket by Vaughan once more before Paul Collingwood finds the boundary with a Chinese cut. Unlike compatriot Edmund Hillary, he is struggling with the slope.
2.30pm: England 191-4 (70 overs) - LAVISH. No Cowers has not been replaced by the ghost of Mark Nicholas but it's the perfect description of a Vaughan cover drive off Southee. He also whips the teenager off his pads to the fence but then escapes a very good lbw shout against Martin. Umpire Bucknor looks and looks but then shakes his head - would have hit top of middle.
Johnfisherbideford is not licking his lips in anticipation, we've just had the fourth no-ball of the day - blame Gwyneth's fella.
2.15pm: England 180-4 (66 overs) - WICKET! Martin has pulled another ripsnorter out of his locker to dismiss Bell. Not much Sherman could do to a delivery that bounces and seams, he plays down the line but edges through to McCullum off the top of the bat.
2pm: England 177-3 (63 overs) - Vaughan has been seeing it like a marble for Yorkshire this season but he clips Southee through mid-wicket for his first boundary. It took him 53 balls but who is counting - apart from me.
1.45pm: England 163-3 (59 overs) - Massive shout by Vettori from the second ball after lunch. Ian Bell is still digesting his HobNobs and is lucky that an inside edge saves him. Tim Southee on at the other end.
1.30pm - Attention LIP SALVE FANS. No more entries please. There were five no-balls yesterday and we have had 3 so far today. johnfisherbideford (3) will be hoping for some cautious front foot action for the rest of the day. The other entries are: mike_deacon2003 (4); terrysmith2104 (7);
darrensouthan (10) & sir_skillalot (15).
1pm: England 160-3 (57 overs) - A nice square drive from Ian Bell off Oram and The Shermanator is off and running with a boundary. LUNCH - A mixed morning for England on a good track. I'll leave you for half an hour with this pearl of wisdom from swads43: "the kiwi bowlers do not look that much of a threat to the upper england batting IMHO."
12.45pm: England 153-3 (54 overs) - WICKET! The wheels are falling off, well at least the front left one. Daniel Vettori had only bowled 11 overs on tour before today and he simply delivered a straight one and Kevin Pietersen completely plays down the wrong line and is palpably lbw. Even Steve Bucknor was quick to lift his finger there.
12.30pm: England 148-2 (51 overs) - WICKET! Strauss goes lbw to Oram, it pitches just in line with leg stump and would have hit the top of middle. Correct decision by umpire Taufel.
12.15pm: England 133-1 (46 overs) - Martin to Strauss turns Martin off his legs for a single and that brings up his 12th Test fifty from 151 balls. He's here for a long time, not a good time. Meanwhile Ian Botham has just revealed he went out for tapas with McCullum last week - any Patatas Bravas anecdotes welcome, Sunday feedback is always destined to be slow.
Noon: England 125-1 (43 overs) - Michael Vaughan clips Mills through mid-wicket to get off the mark, Jacob Oram is into the attack and we can all celebrate by having a drink because it's drinks. Where's the Um Bongo machine in the press box?
11.45am: England 121-1 (40 overs) - WICKET! A flurry of activity as, like many of you last night no doubt, Strauss attempts an unconvincing pull but manages to get four uphill and then he guides Chris Martin past backward point for his sixth boundary. The seamer hits back though with a beauty to remove Cook, bowling wide of the crease and getting one to pitch and leave the left-hander who edges through to Brendon McCullum behind the stumps.
11.30am: England 105-0 (38 overs) - Strauss gets a thick edge down to the third man boundary off Kyle Mills and then 26 dot balls. No rush yet, chaps.
mattheweugenefarrell it's dryer than a cream cracker convention. Get yourself down to St John's Wood, mine's a pint of Pernod.
11.15am: England 101-0 (34 overs) - It's a sundries safari this morning, five leg byes and two no-balls (there's a hint there if some viewer wants smooth lips) and this opening pair put on their first century partnership.
11am: Andrew Strauss and Alastair Cook stride out before a small-ish crowd, everyone must still be at church or not got home from last night's dancing emporium. What do you need on a day like this, the answer is Yahoo! lipsalve - a pot to give away for the person who predicts how many no-balls we have today.
10.45am: And the pitch report - it looks a belting wicket and a very good surface for batting. Kevin Pietersen, on whether there is a chance of a positive result, says: "I don't know, I'm not sure." Well that's upbeat.
10.30am: As it's Sunday, we do not have any cranky quotes from Simon Hughes from the papers but here's Scyld Berry in the Sunday Telegraph: "Primarily England's bowling is short of firepower and has to be beefed up. If two swing bowlers cannot roll over New Zealand in damp May at Lord's, they are not going to dismiss Australia in a hurry next July, not with conventional swing. Matthew Hoggard's injury is convenient in that it allows England to call Durham's Graham Onions into their 12 for the second Test. Onions has the pace to spice up England's attack, but he is not much of a batter. England's tail would be more like ciabatta, a staple diet for opposing bowlers, if he, Monty Panesar and James Anderson were all to play."
10.15am: Here's the utopia scenario for England - score 328 in 90 overs, get 150 ahead, then declare, knock a Kiwi batsman over tonight and bowl them out in two and a half sessions tomorrow. EASY!
10am: "Sunshine came softly through my a-window today," we're playing a bit of Donovan in the press box as two dank days are cast aside. It's bright, it's clear and we should get a full 98.4 overs in today.