Early Doors

  • Chris Smalling trolled by Virgin Trains after derby disaster

    Manchester United defender is the butt of jokes on Twitter.

    Referee Michael Oliver shows a red card to Manchester United's Chris Smalling (Reuters)Referee Michael Oliver shows a red card to Manchester United's Chris Smalling (Reuters)
    Poor Chris Smalling.

    He had been doing fairly well for Manchester United, cementing a starting spot after injuries to Phil Jones and Jonny Evans saw him elevated to first choice at the club.

    But two reckless fouls in the Manchester derby saw the England defender dismissed and widely blamed for the narrow 1-0 defeat, which - following an injury to Marcos Rojo - ended with youngster Paddy McNair and midfielder Michael Carrick as the centre-back partnership.

    Even his manager Louis van Gaal chimed in with criticism, calling the former Fulham defender "stupid" for getting himself sent off in the

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  • Cristiano Ronaldo glee as James Rodriguez is embarrassed

    The Colombian probably wasn’t expecting much commotion when he let the ball squirm between his legs. How wrong he was.

    James Rodriguez probably wasn’t expecting much commotion when he let the ball squirm between his legs during a Real Madrid training session.

    But Cristiano Ronaldo was quickly on the scene, unleashing a celebratory howl and double fist pump to increase the Colombian’s misery.

    And the mockery didn’t stop there. It wasn’t long before the prolific Portuguese forward was unsettling Rodriguez by charging towards him before retreating menacingly.

    At least Rodriguez had the last laugh – blocking Ronaldo’s nutmeg attempt before jabbing Marcelo, the man who had originally embarrassed him, in the

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  • Makes You Think: Fetid morass that is football exemplified by disgrace of foul throws

    A minute's silence, twice a year, is simply not enough; while Steven Gerrard has been backed into a corner by some lamentable man management.

    Like your football opinions hard-hitting, ill-thought-out and ceaselessly xenophobic? Good. You're in the right place. Because ALEX NETHERTON is here to SHOUT the FACTS the others don't even have the BALLS to whisper. This is a spoof.

    ---

    The weekend showed up football to be what it has almost exclusively become: a fetid morass of loose morals, acts of provocation against the decent silent majority of hardworking Britons, and a festival of foul throws.

    Today we launch our campaign for dignity, and for an end to the bleak desolation of the soul when people do not throw the ball into the pitch

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  • Wenger finally wins fight with zipper in hilarious Puma advert

    The Arsenal manager showed his funny side after Puma's new thoughtful coat design.

    Is there another manager in world football who has struggled with his coat zipper as much as Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger?

    No, we can’t think of anyone either.

    Having watched Wenger previously struggle with his zip under Nike’s tenure, Arsenal’s new kit manufacturers Puma have designed a simpler version for the long-serving manager – and they’ve made a hilarious advert to promote it.

    The advert claims that as part of the creative process, Puma studied Wenger's 'hands',  'the ways in which he focuses on the game' and most importantly the 'pace of his zipper'!

    "If you're the boss, you can't let

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  • Ronaldo marks anniversary with weird pants cake

    Yes, really, Cristiano found a way to mark the first year of his underwear brand.

    Cristiano Ronaldo's pants cake (Getty)Cristiano Ronaldo's pants cake (Getty)

    To mark the anniversary of something very special is only right and proper. But if that very special thing is a brand of pretty dodgy underwear, does that still make it appropriate?

    Regardless of what we think, Cristiano Ronaldo was happy enough to mark the first year of his underwear brand with a party - although he did seem to be alone with just a photographer for company.

    Ronaldo cut a bizarre-looking cake with a pair of his pants forming the very strange design.

    A pants cake does not sound particularly appetising, but there you go - it is Ronaldo.

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  • Wait, who's this surprise pitch invader?

    Dog charges onto pitch and disrupts match.


    A very happy dog ran onto the field during the match between Corinthians and Coritiba and became the star of the show, leaving players amused, bemused and, in some cases, very frustrated.

    The dog bounded about joyfully before eventually leaving after a few lengths of the pitch.

    Quite why it took three security officials to escort the dog away, though, is anyone's guess. It all seemed pretty heavy handed.

    Dog invades the pitch (screenshot)Dog invades the pitch (screenshot)
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  • Where do fans of certain clubs in London come from?

    Map of London shows where different fans are based.

    Map of London by football clubs (The Information Capital book)Map of London by football clubs (The Information Capital book)

    There are 13 professional football clubs in London and this fantastic graphic divides up the capital into coloured squares representing each's territory.

    It all comes from a book entitled 'London: The Information Capital' by James Cheshire and Oliver Uberti and you can find the original graphic here.

    A square's colour indicates the football club with the most tweeted hashtag in that area - essentially showing the London clubs by popularity on Twitter.

    Chelsea and Arsenal dominate on both sides of the Thames with the former out-tweeting the Gunners 22,000 to 19,000.

    Which clubs are which on the map (The Information Capital book)Which clubs are which on the map (The Information Capital book)
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  • You actually won't believe what this one-legged man is about to do with a football

    A football freestyler has shared an unbelievable clip of a man pulling off a rainbow flick - despite only having one leg, and playing football on crutches.

    A one-legged footballer has become a sensation on the internet after a short clip of his amazing and inspiring skill.

    The player, enjoying a kickabout on what appears to be a cricket pitch, defies his lack of a right leg to produce a quite astonishing 'rainbow flick': bumping the ball into the ground with one of his crutches, he then flicks it up and over the youngster he's playing with.

    Incredible stuff. 

    The identity of the one-legged man hasn't yet been established, though the clip was shared by a football freestyler called Kieran Brown, who told the world that he met the video's star in

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  • Get this lad on Match of the Day, he's brilliant

    Boy shows what football punditry is currently missing.

    Little Charlie was frustrated with how his Manchester United side fared in the big derby, but could see the progress in Louis van Gaal's team following the 1-0 defeat to Manchester City.

    But it’s his punditry skills that have made him an overnight sensation with many demanding that he be given a slot on Match of the Day.

    Go Charlie!

    Charlie gives his views (screenshot)Charlie gives his views (screenshot)
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  • Legend! Thierry Henry shows that he's still got it with two sensational assists

    Former Arsenal and Barcelona star Thierry Henry created two goals for New York Red Bulls against DC United in the MLS.

    Thierry HenryThierry Henry

    He might be 37 years old but Thierry Henry continues to show why he’ll always be world class.

    The former Arsenal striker chalked up two sublime assists during New York Red Bulls' 2-0 MLS quarter-final play-off win over DC United on Sunday.

    Henry’s first assist came just before half-time when he produced an exquisite backheel which Peguy Luyinduna shielded to allow an unmarked Bradley Wright-Phillips to fire home.

    It was vintage Henry and the Frenchman, who scored 228 goals in 258 appearances for the Gunners, showcased his finest attacking abilities to the expectant crowd at Red Bull Arena.

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