Early Doors

  • Trading Places

    It's official: Juande Ramos and Rafael Benitez are the new Dan Akroyd and Eddie Murphy.

    On Saturday October 25, Tottenham stealthily released the news that they had sacked Ramos after the Spaniard had left them at the foot of the table without a win from nine Premier League matches.

    Less than 24 hours later, Liverpool beat Chelsea 1-0 at Stamford Bridge to go three points clear at the top of the table, eight points above Manchester United, who they had beaten just the month beforehand. It would fair to say that life was good for Rafa.

    It's now been four months to the day since Ramos's sacking,

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  • The 10 Kakamandments

    On Thursday, Doors focused on the impotent outrage that
    swept through the media over the sheer amount of money Manchester City
    are prepared to shell out in order to bring Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite to

    But, surprisingly, all that condemnation hasn't stopped City
    taking their bid up another notch and forcing Milan into submission. As Steve Bruce would
    say, they're "talking telephone numbers".

    The Rossoneri have announced they are 'considering' the
    offer, but the fact that they have publicly acknowledged the bid for the first
    time, and that the man Italian commentators call

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  • Read all about it

    Early Doors has learnt that, according to reports, we have a title race on our hands again.

    Wins for Chelsea and Liverpool last night have reduced the gap at the top of the Premier League to just four points.

    Don't let a minor detail like leaders Manchester United having two games in hand put you off - ED has to make do with what it can to get some excitement out of life.

    The tabloids are screaming headlines such as "We're still after you: title fighters turn the heat up on United" and "Kiss Chase! Blues and Reds close up on Utd," so it must be true.

    Actually, credit where it's due, one paper

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  • Early Boers Video: Winter has a Hart

    There is one question Early Boers, along with the rest of England, urgently needs answering.

    Fortunately the Daily Telegraph's Henry Winter took some time out of his day to help ponder the goalkeeping crisis which has been raging ever since Robert Green lent the United States a helping hand.

    As well as considering whether manager Fabio Capello is to blame, Winter reveals who he would anoint as England's latest clown-in-waiting against Algeria on Friday.

    Plus, national icon Wayne Rooney lets rip over Franz Beckenbauer's slating of the Three Lions' style of play.


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  • Excitement builds in Rustenberg

    Not only is Early Boers on the
    loose in South Africa, it has somehow gained access to England training at the Royal
    Bafokeng Stadium.

    And that can only mean one thing:
    shaky handheld camera shots of men in shorts and bibs running around a pitch.

    Check out EB's latest video blog
    from Rustenberg, in which the bowels of the stadium prove rather too labyrinthine.

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  • Anglo-US relations flourish

    The footage of Robert Green's gaffe has now been replayed
    and dissected to the point where it has been burned deep into the retinas of
    every England fan.

    So, rather than burden you with having to relive the horror
    yet another time, here's a nice collection of inebriated supporters from both
    nations singing and goading each other before the match in Rustenburg.

    Watch the latest video blog from South Africa here:

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  • Pompey’s dictator ship comes in

    It's the most alarming headline since The Sun's classic "Radioactive 'paedo' on the run" from last February.

    "Gaddafi wants to buy Pompey" screams this morning's Mirror, trumpeting it as "the headline you never thought you'd read!". No kidding.

    In case you are wondering, it is not Colonel Muammar Gaddafi we are talking about, but his son, Saadi.

    The report claims that Saadi has held talks with representatives of this week's Fratton Park owner, Ali al-Faraj.

    That ubiquitous font of all knowledge, the club source, told the paper:  "Colonel Gaddafi's son Saadi first expressed an interest in

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  • Roll up! The circus is in town!

    Even as it watched from its dank, sordid little grief-hole yesterday, Early Doors couldn't but feel a little sorry for David Beckham.

    The Milan, England and sometime LA Galaxy midfielder looked lost at sea as footage of his arrival at Manchester Paul Calf Airport came through.

    Watching him flanked by police as he slowly made his way through the fevered scrum that greeted him was a little window into the circus that constantly surrounds him.

    Alex Ferguson must have enjoyed watching it. It was a reminder of just why he was so relieved to sell him in the first place.

    Beckham may be making an

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  • The seven ages of Beckham

    Face it: it's over. Not just David Beckham's World Cup, but
    also his England
    career and his relevance as a footballer.

    It is not often Early Doors is moved to quote Shakespeare.
    In fact it's not ever. You see, ED never paid much attention during those GCSE
    English classes when it was forced to perform the back end of a fairy in some
    bastardised version of A Midsummer Night's Dream.

    But this morning is an exception, because Beckham's playing
    career closely mirrors the monologue that begins 'All The World's A Stage' from
    Shakespeare's As You Like It.

    It begins: "All the world's a stage, and all

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