Early Doors

Euro Doorsies: Sex, lies and videotape

Early Doors

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With the European Championship coming to a finale tomorrow, it is time for Early Doors to look back at some of the stories you may have missed around the continent over the past three weeks.

On Monday, you will be able to find out who scored the finest goal, who was in our best XI etc - but for now it's time for ED's legendary end-of-season/tournament awards, The Doorsies!

Click on the links to re-live any of the EuroTrash you may have missed first time around.



The women of Iran - who were banned from watching live public screenings of Euro 2012  games because of an "inappropriate" environment where men could become rowdy

A 46-year-old from Sosnowiec - who was so devastated when Russia scored against Poland that he threw his television set out his third-storey window

Married English women - thousands of football widows flooded extra-marital dating site IllicitEncounters.com, which reported an average of 77% rise in female activity during match time. The England vs Ukraine match peaked at 18.5 million viewers, which led to an 82% rise on the average activity for women

And the winner is... THE 46-YEAR-OLD FROM SOSNOWIEC!



Following the lead of seemingly every TV cameraman in Ukraine and Poland, our video team put together this shortlist

And the winner is... NATALIA SIWIEC

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ESPN Deportes - for creating a graphic to promote the Germany v Portugal match using a picture of Arjen Robben (in his Netherlands kit) to represent Portugal

Gazzetta dello Sport - for a cartoon showing Mario Balotelli on top of Big Ben in a reference to King Kong on New York's Empire State Building. It led to a number of complaints from readers and anti-racism groups, prompting the newspaper to apologise

Sara Carbonero - Iker Casillas's girlfriend and Spanish touchline reporter asked Andres Iniesta after the semi-final shoot-out whether he would have liked to take a penalty... he had scored the second one

And the winner is...ESPN DEPORTES


Nominees (in a hotly-contested category):

Simon Brotherton - "Perisic just won the double with Borussia Dortmund in Italy"

Roberto Martinez - "Football is a game of errors, but you don't expect mistakes"

Gary Lineker - "France are strong favourites, slightly"

Andy Townsend - "We'll credit the goalkeeper, but what a miss that was"

Gareth Southgate - "What we don't know is how poor Czechoslovakia are"

Craig Burley - "I watched that player (Rennes and France midfielder Yann M'Vila) boss the game against Celtic, even though that wouldn't be hard." - Burley refers to two Europa League group stage matches. M'Vila didn't play in the 1-1 draw, and was sent off in the later 3-1 defeat

And the winner is...CRAIG BURLEY



Andrei Arshavin -for being involved in a much-publicised spat with Russian fans in the team's hotel in the centre of Warsaw just a few hours after their last match. After one of the fans, a member of the Russian Parliament, demanded an explanation for the team's poor showing, Arshavin said: "If you have had high expectations for our team here, then it's your problem, not ours." Valery Golubev, deputy chairman of Russian energy giant Gazprom, said: "He should be deported"

Samir Nasri - following France's 2-0 defeat by Spain, he passed waiting reporters without saying a word and when asked by one journalist for a quote, he answered: "You are looking for s***, you are looking for trouble." The reporter replied: "Get lost, then, if you have nothing to say." Nasri turned back and said "f*** you" followed by a stream of further abuse, inviting the reporter to have a conversation with him man-to-man

Antonio Cassano - For saying he hoped there were no homosexuals in the Italy team

And the winner is...SAMIR NASRI


Following the lead of the late, great Paul (2010-2012, may he rest in peace), a number of animal sages stepped forward for Euro 2012 to fill his tentacles - and here's the shortlist.

And the winner is... well, Maya the otter has tipped Spain but with the final yet to be played, the award goes to psychic pig, FUNTIK, for keeping his composure to tip Portugal to beat the Czech Republic despite a topless protest.

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Fun-time Funtik



Johan Wiland - The Swedes warmed up for their match against England by taking pot shots at the reserve goalkeeper's exposed backside during training

Nicklas Bendtner - The self-proclaimed 'best player in the world' lifted his shirt after scoring his second goal in the Danes' 3-2 defeat by Portugal, revealing underpants sponsored by Irish bookmaker Paddy Power

German and Danish porn stars - in body paint football jerseys played a game in Berlin, one day before the men played in the Ukraine. In the fun match, the girls of Denmark won 13-1

And the winner is...JOHAN WILAND



The media - for becoming convinced that Spain and Croatia would conspire to draw 2-2 to eliminate the Azzurri

Cesare Prandelli - for walking 21km to a monastery in the middle of the night to celebrate their quarter-final berth

Chefs in Krakow - who prepared the world's biggest lasagne in honour of the Italian football team ahead of the quarter-finals

And the winner is...THE 7,120KG LASAGNE



Our video team put together this shortlist just to underline how many idiots there are in Europe.


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