Early Doors

Gruesome beginning to the season for Ashley Young

Early Doors

Manchester United star Ashley Young, it's fair to say, isn't exactly the most popular player in the Premier League. His reputation for arrogance has gone hand-in-hand with underachievement, and his unapologetic diving briefly made him football's public enemy number one.

But still - even if you really can't stand the guy you wouldn't wish this on him.

Just a quarter of an hour into the season the talented winger was shouting instructions at a team-mate when a random globule of phlegm landed straight in his mouth.

Early Doors has absolutely no idea from what quarter the spitball came - from the angle and speed, it looks as if it might have been hoiked from the upper tier and borne on the winds that swirl round Old Trafford.

Very nasty stuff. Someone at Old Trafford ought to feel very, very ashamed of themselves.

UPDATE: Some people have suggested that rather than spit, it was a nugget of falling bird poo that actually found its way into Young's mouth.

Clearly, this is a very important distinction since animal poo, while equally disgusting, is disgusting in a slightly different way to human saliva.

However, after consulting several ornithological reference guides we can conclusively state that bird poo is actually brown in colour as it falls through the air - and only takes on its distinctive white look once it has landed and dried.

That, in tandem with the relatively low speed and 60-degree angle of whatever fell in Young's mouth, strongly suggests that the foreign substance entering the winger's oral cavity was indeed a lump of gob rather than a lump of poo.

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Ashley Young

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