Early Doors

You may kiss the Wazza

Early Doors

View photo

Early Döorß has always struggled to understand the British tabloid press.

They seem to be in love with Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney and even more so with his fraulein Coleen McLoughlin, with photographs of her wearing the same outfit she wore two years ago worthy of being printed and commented upon.

So it is now confusing to see the thinly-veiled glee with which it is reported that it rained on their wedding day in the picturesque Italian town of Santa Margerita.

The Sun, which has a turbulent relationship with the couple to say the least, led the snide sneering by printing: "Big-spending Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin wed in a £3 million extravaganza yesterday - but couldn't buy fine weather."

Due to the massive disappointment over the fact that the whole affair was conducted in surprisingly tasteful style, the hacks had to make do with reporting that Alex Ferguson, Rio Ferdinand, Owen Hargreaves, Carlos Tevez, Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs were absent, as if everyone invites all the people from their own workplace to their wedding.

But the best snippet of news relating to 'Wazza's' nuptials is that he upset some of his family by shunning them.

Top of the list is his cousin, Natalie, a 19-year-old 'aspiring glamour model' who was barred after flashing her funbags at Coleen's 21st birthday party, and gave the couple a right slagging on Facebook by way of a very poor revenge.

Anyway, expect a spate Easyjet flights to be packed full chav wedding parties bound for Tuscany in the near future.  

- - -

After yesterday's national cuckoo clock strike forced Early Döorß into an uncharacteristically late posting, you would think it would be doubly keen to make an extra special effort today, right? Wrong.

For after Ivica Vastic scored the final-minute penalty that kept Austria in Euro 2008, ED got whipped up in the resulting euphoria and donned its lederhosen and fired up the fondue set before partying the night away in the UEFA-designated fan zone, clanking together huge steins of foamy happy juice.

English referee Howard Webb's decision to award that soft as scheiße spot-kick has kept the competition interesting for at least one of the hosts.

Consequently, it's also that little bit better for everyone else, because it always adds that little extra something if the hosts do well. Stories such as the surprise selection of veteran striker Vastic make you feel warm inside.

In case you were wondering why he continues to sport that moustache that makes him look like a Musketeer, it's because D'Artagnan and co were the style icons of his youth. That's how old he is.

All Austria have to do now is defeat overbearing neighbours Germany in the final group match to progress through to the quarter finals and bring the support of the rest of the continent with them. Easy.

- - -

QUOTE OF DAY: vincentvegaman "Fearnly-Whitingstall, look what you've done, chickens are best kept in cages, smeared in their own excrement , you set them free and look what happens."

the_kop2003: "I came up with a poem today: I hate it, I really really do, I hate it, It smells like poo, I hate it, It's so slow it bores, I hate it, It's Early Doors."

FOREIGN VIEW: German rag Bild sums up Germany defeat perfectly with the headline "Kroatastrophe!"

TALKING POINT: Could Italy really be knocked out of Euro 2008 tonight? And how can someone be an 'aspiring' glamour model?

COMING UP: All the usual guff, including Transfer Talk, as well as LIVE commentary of the Group C shenanigans of Italy v Romania and Netherlands v France.

Sorry you didn't like this comment. Please provide a reason below.

Are you sure?
Rating failed. Try again.
Request failed. Try again.
We will promote constructive and witty comments to the top, so that everyone sees them!
Sorry, we can’t load comments right now. Try again.

    Win cash in one day fantasy football contests. Join now!

    Learn how to play

    Contest Entries Entry Fee Prizes Starts (EDT)
    Premier League £1,500 Saturday 22/335 £5 £1500 Saturday 10:00 AM Enter
    Premier League £600 Saturday 1/26 £25 £600 Saturday 10:00 AM Enter
    Premier League £300 Saturday 37/340 £1 £300 Saturday 10:00 AM Enter