Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle said prior to the event that this could be the first Commonwealth Games in history where the crowd fails a drugs test. Or something like that.
Do not adjust your television set. At times you had to make sure you you weren't sniffing something such was the weirdness of it all. London 2012 this wasn't. This was Glasgow 2014. And this was bloody weird.
Tropical temperatures, dancing teacakes, God Save the Queen being sung at Celtic Park with Lizzie primed to click her heels, Subo looking 10 years younger than when she appeared on Britain's Got Talent in the noughties and Rod Stewart looking like he had just washed up from a wedding reception.
Bring back The Krankies. All is forgiven.
Irn Bru, Nessie, golf, shortbread, Scottie dogs, Andy Stewart...the list goes on and on. Every Scottish national foible seemed to get a mention. Of course, all these opening ceremonies are easy to poke fun at. Maybe it was all set up for a right good chortle. Yep. You called it right BBC news presenter-turned-Commonwealth Games host Huw Edwards. It was eccentric. It was camp. And then some. Colin and Justin couldn't have envisaged this.
Pretty inevitably, though, a very big talking point was the horrendous outfits sported by the Scottish competitors, who had the misfortune of having to wear these...
The home team entered wearing some dodgy gear, branded as 'horrific', 'humiliating' and 'shocking', that looked like it had been picked up earlier in the morning from the nearby Barras.
Many people also commented on the team's Facebook page as they made clear their disgust and contempt for the designs.
Laura Mahady posted: "Humiliating for anyone who has to wear these outfits."
Sharron Mag Bhradaigh added: "P45 for the 'designer'. That is just a shocking combination, total embarrassment."
Melissa MacLennan wrote: "What a shame for the athletes who have worked so hard to get to the Commonwealth Games for a designer to put them in this!!"
Stacey Lauder said: "They are horrific." While Clare Louise Schoeman wrote: "I feel really sorry for the poor athletes having to wear it."
Warming to the weird theme, The Shamen's Move Any Mountain accompanied the Scotland's team's entry, an anthem for a generation of Scottish school leavers swallowing ecstasy back in the 90s. Yep, eccentric indeed.
It all begin promisingly with Ewan MacGregor promoting the need to do some charity work for UNICEF, a theme of the night, before wandering off in all sorts of directions all over the place - before the teams even entered Celtic Park - with Jumpin' John Barrowman sporting a purple suit and his American Lulu-esque accent singing about various towns and hamlets of Scotland. Barrowman even kissed a bloke live on air.
This was apparently motivated by homosexual activity remaining a criminal offence in 40 of the 53 countries within the Commonwealth.
We don't think big John planting a smacker on another geezer is going to make some of these countries suddenly develop a conscience. It was all enough to have you reaching for a few drams of whisky as you watched your telly invented by a Scotsman called John Logie Baird. How the omnipresent Clare Balding must be thankful for him.
All that was missing were Glasgow's local asylum seekers, who could have carried a flag around Celtic Park themselves with a team bigger than the Aussies, and the dancing deep fried mars bars. But maybe that will come when Scotland's athletes begin running on the track at Hampden Park.
Talk about Braveheart spirit.
Team England were given a rousing reception from the Scottish audience which suggests an anti-English feeling exists in Scotland only when Nigel Farage visits Edinburgh. You don't suspect this was Farage's type of gig. When one small country entered the arena, I forget as I was seeing matron by that point, Huw's pal Hazel Irvine - who recalls a Scotland that no longer exists - told us that they celebrate New Year there 14 hours earlier than us here when Scots traditionally say Hogmanay.
Irvine has not been back in Glasgow for a while obviously because New Year is no longer played out in the country's biggest city with any great relish. Glasgow doesn't even have an official party to welcome in the New Year. The local council cancelled it. I kid you not.
Some will say they should have done the same thing with this ceremony.
Social media does what it usually does on these occasions. And we weren't disappointed: Twitter absolutely ripped the whole thing to shreds.
This one was a nice entry:
Until the Queen arrived to God Save The Queen. Good to see they were thinking about the Rangers fans out there.
Some people did not think she should have been anywhere near the joint.
And then there was Rod Stewart singing in a silver suit.
And Rod Stewart standing in his birthday suit:
But back to the Queen's appearance at Celtic Park, a venue that traditionally does not go for royalty.
Where were those dancing deep fried mars bars?
At least you had a few teacakes, but even that prompted some scorn.
Indian's most iconic cricketer Sachin Tedulkar sent a good luck message alongside some astronauts.
Celtic Park confirmed its reputation as one of Europe's most atmospheric venues.
But back to those dogs. Glad Andy Murray's mum approved.
Yep. The whole thing was barking.
- Sports & Recreation
- Rod Stewart
- Commonwealth Games
- Celtic Park
- God Save the Queen
- John Logie Baird
- John Barrowman