Chelsea Message Board
This is the short version:
A hungry crocodile creeps up behind a native tribesman and proceeds to devour the poor souls arms,legs and torso.
After finishing his hearty meal the crocodile has a nap,deciding to save the head as he will have this later for supper.
As the crocodile lies asleep on the riverbank with the natives tribesman's head in his mouth,two jungle exploring scousers appear,
"I'm #$%$in' sick of these Africans crying poverty!" one says to the the other,"How the #$%$ can that #$%$ afford a Lacoste sleeping bag!"
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their
member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great
time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, " £5,000 for a male brain, and £200
for a female
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding
contact with the women, but some
actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out
everyone wanted to ask,
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire
"It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price
of the female
brains, because they've actually been used."
Fair play to you now, it’s me bejeezus, stone the crows. And I even scribed a little ditty for you.
Is it black
Is it brun
Everyone wants to know
Tell us hun
Is it black
Or maybe green
A sight for sore eyes
That is rarely seen
Is it blue
Is it brun
Could be brun
on the fringe
We want to know
Is it as black as snow
An oldie but a goodie -
a bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices a rather dishy blonde behind him has jusr raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
he is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him and although familiar he cant place where he might know her from.
So he says 'sorry do you know me?' she replies 'i may be mistaken but i thought u might the father of one of my children!'
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he's been unfaithful.
'Christ' he says 'are you that stripogram on my stag night that i shagged on the snooker table in fron of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with celery and stuck a cucumber up my #$%$?'
'No' she replies coldy, 'im your sons english teacher.
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