I was directed by an emergency call to Middlesbrough raw sewage company after Dirty Audrey Barry had been sacked from his work of sewage tunnel scraper on an underground site near Middlesbrough. He had been withdrawn from his job after demonstrating a disgusting and unhealthy infatuation with discarded female sanitary towels. I spoke with the sewage foreman who said Dirty Barry/Audrey’s behaviours in amongst the sewage pipes was deeply disturbing and against all H& S regulations – this along with his nail biting habits – made him a liability to the company and was therefore removed with a cash settlement payout of ₤9.52p.
I took Dirty Barry/Audrey to the nearby Cyreneans soup kitchens to get an explanation of his behaviour. He told me he loved the work but could resist the site of bloated tampons which he said reminded him of home made pasties covered in ketchup.- I stopped his conversation at this point - and asked him about the ‘Audrey’ side of his personality he said that this had came about after a failed pec implant (which had been financed by the NHS to help restore his self esteem and 31 inch chest) unfortunately the results turned out badly and now he has 2 tits which resemble empty sausage skins – this is what caused him to change his identity to Audrey.
I advised him this is where his anger and frustration comes from and he only gets a release from letting it go n football message boards. I told his that wit and intelligence were yet other talents he did not possess and he would do well to steer clear of experimenting with it.
At this point Dirty Audrey had became a quivering weeping wreck speking in riddles and of voices in his head I could not console any further and left giving him a vouchers for a hot shower at the hostel and a bag of adult diapers. Only time will tell what kind of life form Dirty Audrey Barry will change into in order to get attention to himself -- I wouldn't be surpised if he re-incarnated himself as the "virgin" Mary