• Birmingham City Message Board

  • I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, "How many potatoes would you like Tim?". I said "Ooh, I'll just have one please". She said "It's OK, you don?t have to be polite" "Alright" I said "I'll just have one then, you stupid cow"

    So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

    You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.

    I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

    I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

    So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

    I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

    So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

    I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

    I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

    So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

    I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue and I couldn't put it down.

    I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

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