• Newcastle United Message Board

  • viwer viwer Apr 30, 2007 17:48 Flag

    Woodgate secures his house In MBoro

    Now that Jonathan Woodgate has decided to stay at Middlebrough he has decided to seek expert advice on ways of securing his palatial home on the outskirts of smogglesboro.
    He has been seen going back forwards to B&Q and army and navy stores with a large shopping list for the following items

    1. 100 rolls of barbed wire fencing
    2. security locks for dustbins
    3. armour plated gas meter
    4. emergency telephone (to Police in Madrid) cos they'll get there before Cleveland police would
    5. Anti climb paint
    6. Burglar/Con man/Thief/Fraudster/spiv/shyster alarm
    7. Smelly Sock and Body odour Detector
    8. 2 mobile water cannon units contining dettol and domestos
    9. Alarm system for sewers
    10. electrified drain piepes
    11. 4 Watchtower with gun turrets and search lights
    12. 4 RPG 7 rocket launcers
    13. 2nd hand patriot missile system(convereted to deal with #$%$ and flying turds)
    14. 12 Rottwelliers
    15. 4 meter high concrete wall (cast offs from gaza strip)
    16. Quadruple glazed bullet proof windows with finger jamming device.
    17. Smog detector
    18. Foot and mouth washdown points at front gate

    Woodgate said - its a lot of trouble to go to to stay in this hell hole - but Madrid didn't want me back. And there isn't any spare beds in Newcastles' treatment room.

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