In the EPL final game of the season at Middlesbrough, the visiting team Man City were overcome by strong toxic fumes 3 minutes after the kick off - and were subjected to an 8-1 trouncing. The whole team wandered around the pitch for 90 minutes in a complete daze allowing the home team Middlesbrough to score 8 easy goals out of 75 chances. How a City managed to score 1 goal in their mesmerised state is subject to a steward's inquiry. On leaving the pitch all players required assistance for breathing problems and, in he interests of safety, the club doctor felt necessary for the whole squad to be shipped to Middlesbrough general Hospital where they all spent the night in oxygen tents in the hospital’s Michael Jackson Ward. This morning the whole squad were stretchered onto an awaiting Chinook helicopter (piloted by Prince William) and flown back to Manchester with a platoon of Ghurkhas providing security cover.
Investigations are underway to find the cause of this noxious smell and already allegations are surfacing about possible foul play. Middlesbrough is well known as a city with a thriving sewage recycling industry which by coincidence is owned by Middlesbrough FC millionaire Steve Gibson. The factories receive human and animal waste from all over U.K, the excrement is heated, dried and then reshaped and made into DFS furniture. On the day of the match the factory turbines were operating at full strength and the extractor fan outlets directed at full power towards the Riverside stadium together with large scale betting on high scoring at Betfreds betting shops in Middlesbrough.
An FA spokesman said today that the allegations will be investigated but only one thing can certain: Sven Goran Erikkson is out of a job.