• Newcastle United Message Board

  • Owen Owen Jul 30, 2009 01:21 Flag

    "Dirty Barry/Audrey"

    As part of my role with in DSS I tracked Dirty Barrry/Audrey down by homing in on the signal that is emitted from the tag which the county courts said should remain permanently attached to his leg. I found him rummaging through some waste bins at the side of northern bus station and took him to the nearby wooden hut cafe to get him a hot drink and #$%$ his situation.

    He told me that hours before he was evicted from the Salvation Army Hostel. I contacted the hostel who said that he was an unfortunate attention seeker who was evicted for his own safety. In an attempt to gain sympathy from the other vagrants, at one stage threatened to commit suicide – only to be met with queues of residents advising him of the quickest and most effective method to end it all. Some of them even offered to get the ‘tools’ for him – and apparently because of his overwhelming bodily stench many of them asking him to shoot himself in the arm pit. He fled tearfully to the streets after this great blow to his low esteem and this is where I found him.
    He explained to me that he changed his name from Dirty Barry (supposed to link to the Clint Eastwood character Dirty Harry) to Audrey because no one guessed it and did not get the respect and admiration he yearns for. His change to Audrey has made him even more deluded - at one point claiming on Manchester United boards that he was the owner of a plush mansion a few streets away from Stamford Bridge.
    That afternoon I took DB to the Big Issue office hoping he might be able to find some suitable employment but the proprietor said they needed people with better presentation than the individual I had beside me – he kindly advised me that northern sewage company were seeking workers to clear out sewage trenches below Middlesboro and that might suit an individual of Dirty Barry’s talents. This may be DB’s answer to gaining into a more meaningful life. We can only hope…………………………….

    Social Services

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