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  • Pikey Pikey Jan 20, 2010 17:56 Flag

    Big cook Little Cook

    Due to having to go to a Maccy D's (spit) to purchase a happy meal (spit again) there has been a delay in bringing the CHEF U cookery blog to you.
    Things were going well as I drove around the building and was met by a lump of imitation wood with a TV screen on the top.
    This piece of imitation wood then spoke to me "Good morning sir, welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order"
    Wow.. I thought, how does it know whether it is addressing a man or woman?
    "I would like a happy meal please" (refrained from spitting)
    "Which one would you like?" asked the imitation wood.
    "The one to make me happy" I replied smartly.
    "Chicken nuggets, cheeseburger, hamburger or fish-fingers?" came the curt reply.
    "Oh, erm, a hamburger please" I said.
    "What drink would you like?" asked the imitation wood, sounding bored now.
    "What choices are there?"
    (sigh)"Fruit Shoot, milkshake, organic milk, Tropicana, soft drinks or water"
    "What flavour are the fruit shoots?" I enquired
    (Big sigh) "Apple, raspberry, blackcurrant" Came the uninterested reply.
    "What flavour are the milkshakes?"
    (biggest sigh yet!) "Vanilla, strawberry, chocolate" followed by another huge sigh.
    "What about the soft drinks" I politely asked.
    (sigh-ferfuksake) "cola, diet cola..........
    At this point I interrupted "I would like bottled water please"
    "Are you kidding" said the imitation wood in a slightly angry voice.
    "No, I'm serious"
    "Hmm" growled the imitation wood "Drive to window two" followed by a sarcastic "Please"
    I arrived at window two in around 1.7 seconds. Smoke and tyre burn marks on the block paved road behind me.
    "£2.09" said the spotty kid who was hanging his head through the opening.
    Behind him was another acneyed teenager wearing a headset with attached mike. He leaned over the first spotty kid and said "I don't like your attitude mister, swearing at me will only get you banned from McDonald's in the future"
    Banned. Banned from McDonald's hey? I thought.....
    "Well #$%$ down with a fukcing feather. Unbe-fukcin-lievable" I said, looking him straight in the eye. "Banned from buying #$%$ food from a #$%$ company served by a little #$%$"
    "Right, that's it!" He yelled "Your barred!"
    "Thanks" I shouted as I drove away.
    So there you have it, a happy meal with a little spice.....
    Serves one.