The FA has called on all average teams to submit their interest to land the 4th and final Champions League spot after Arsenal advised the League that they are not interested any more. According to unconfirmed sources, the Arse informed the FA that they intend to emulate the Reds by qualifying for next season's Champions League as winners (sic!).
Therefore the likes of Spurs, Bolton, Man City, Wigan etc have been advised to inform the FA if they are interested. However the Geordies have been barred from showing any interest unless they can cease and desist from being wankers.
On the Arse, fertile imagination theorists are claiming that their team's current woeful displays of ineptitude stem from a French conspiracy to bring the club to its knees. Unreliable sources claim that this started when Viera was sold for a song, effectively immobilising the midfield. Pires's contract was not renewed, Thierry Henry was advised not to sign a new contract and AW is said to be on his way to Real taking Reyes with him. The plan these sources claim is aimed at completely stripping the club of the French influence that has made them successful for the past 7 years and with the club owing 400million pounds on the new stadium, the saboteurs seem to be succeeding, claim the theorists.
The Arse board claim that they are not worried at all if AW leaves as they already have a tailor made French succesor already identified, a certain Allain Perrin.
In a related story, the Chelski boss when asked how his team has managed to screw the arse 3 times in a row, said "They are our bit***s, thats how".