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  • Bob Bob Mar 13, 2009 01:25 Flag

    Liverpool Football Club - THE SOLUTION!

    For some time I have been thinking that I know P & S and I have just worked out why. He is the grown up version of ‘that kid’ who we all remember from school.

    You know the one I mean, greasy hair, thick NHS glasses, over weight, acne riddled and with the all pervading stench of B.O. and stale urine. Every lesson break he would suffer the indignity of footy selection where we would all line up to be chosen for teams. One by one all the other lads would be picked until finally the team captain with the short straw would be left with ‘that kid’. His chronic asthma meant he could only ever go in goal, but the lack of mobility due to his obesity meant even that position was beyond him.

    Never the brightest, ‘that kid’ would try to make up for his ignorance and lack of sporting prowess with wild claims that he could never substantiate. You know the type of thing, “My dad’s a spy”, “I’m a black belt at Karate” or “I’ve f*cked loads of girls”. Little did he know that these self aggrandising rants just added further to the contempt with which he was viewed.

    As with many fat lads, ‘that kid’ would try to use his size to bully the smaller children, but as soon as they squared up to him he would back down and waddle off as fast as his chubby little legs would carry him.

    Wind forward a number of years to the present day and ‘that kid’ has grown in to P & S. Never achieving much, he stares from the window of his bedsit, empty pizza boxes and beer can strewn across the floor. His social ineptitude denies him access to normal human contact so for solace he turns to his PC, his only effective communication channel to the outside world.

    His desperate need to belong creates a fantasy world in his own mind where he honestly believes he is a respected part of the LFC community, while the internet provides all the information needed to make up for never having been to Anfield. The message boards become an extension to his psychosis where he begins to believe he is a “leader” and “master”. Little does he realise that these are just a continuation of the rants that we all laughed about behind his back all those years ago. And just as in the past when his attempts to bully led to his own loss of face, his currents bouts of vitriolic abuse usually end up with his own rapid back peddling and disappearance.

    My fellow board users, please do not judge P & S too harshly. Who knows, with better hygiene, a decent diet and more understanding class mates, his mental problems could have been avoided and he could have become a decent member of society. The fact that he has not is perhaps an indictment of us all, and perhaps now we should treat him rather more with pity than the contempt we all feel.

    So let me be the first to hope he gets well soon.


    Bob B.