• Middlesbrough Message Board

  • The other day, a Geordie, a Mackem, and a Smoggy wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the Geordie and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it a few years back." The Geordie answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him
    through the gate. St. Peter turned to the Mackem and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need a Wearsider, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
    Fortunately for him, the Mackem had just seen the movie and answered,
    "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter."
    St. Peter then turned to the Smoggy. "Name them."

    >A Smoggy was on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes out and the foreman announces, "Not guilty."
    "Wonderful," shouts the Smoggy. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

    One day, a 4th grader came home from school and asks his father, "Dad,
    everyone in class can count to 100, but I can only count to 10. How come?"
    His father says, "Well son, that's because you're from Middlesbrough."
    The next day, the 4th grader came home from school and says, "Dad, today
    everyone in class recited the entire alphabet. I only know up to the letter
    'L.' How come?"
    Again, his father replies, "Well, that's because you're from Middlesbrough."
    Then one day, the 4th grader came home and was all excited, wearing a smile
    from ear to ear. He says, "Dad! Dad! Today, we were in gym class, and all
    the boys had little penises, but mine was huge! Is that 'cause I'm from
    His father replies, "No son, that's because you're 28 years old."

    >A Smoggy visits an orchard and asks how much the apples are. "You can pick as many as you like for a fiver" he is told. "Great" he replies "I'll have a tenners worth".

    Two Smoggys are walking down Northumberland Street in Newcastle upon Tyne, when one of them spots a sign in a shop window. It reads Shirts - 50p, Trousers - £1, Suits - £2."Ere!", says the first Smoggy to his mate, "have you seen that, shirts 50p trousers £1, Suits £2. It looks like a decent deal. Why don't we go in, buy the lot and take them back to Middlesbrough and sell them on for a profit(possibly that Psyche shop)." "Ere!, that's a good idea" says the other Smoggy, "there's just one problem though. When the lady in the shop hears our accents, she won't serve us 'cause she will know we are Smoggies.""Don't worry about that" says the first Smoggy, "I went to school with a Geordie, I've got the accent off to a tee." So, both the Smoggies walk into the shop and ask the lady if the sign in the window is right. "What do you mean?" she says "Shirts for 50p, trousers £1 and suits £2?" "Aye that's right, says the first Smoggy. "And we want to buy the lot. "The lady looks at them and smiles and says, "You two are Smoggys aren't you? "Both the Smoggys are totally shocked. "Ere! how did you know that then?" they say. Cause we're a dry cleaners you thick b*stards!!!"

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