Middlesbrough Message Board
Newcastle City Council have asked the World Health Organisation to mobilisation a sufficient number of its health units to the area in order to deal with the possible influx of thousands of 'Smoggies' to the city from the polluted town of Middlesbrough for Saturday's Premier League football game against Newcastle United at St James' Park.
The Council say they are the concerned about the possible transmission of diseases, yet uncontrolled in Middlesbrough such as Bubonic plague, Typhoid and Crabs.
The WHO has agreed to set up screening units at all approaches entrances to the city including the airport, road, rail and bus stations. The units will make mandatory checks at control points making compulsory checks on:
1. People riding on horse back,
2. Horse drawn gypsy carriages,
3. Cattle trucks
4. Vehicles without hub cabs, doors, windows or licence plates
5. Ford transit vans, Ladas & Trabants
Checks will be carried out on occupants to #$%$ their conditions and suitability to be allowed to enter the area to attend the game.
Those considered to be a health threat will be secured for the duration of the match in a sterile medical trailer and released to go (only) southwards at 8.00pm on Saturday evening after their team have been thrashed 3-0 at SJP.
Newcastle City residents and surrounding farm owners have been advised to secure livestock and family pets for a period of 24 hours before and after the match.
The other International Organisation Doctors Without Borders / Medecins Sans Frontieres has offered to assist in the operation by distributing free personal hygiene packs to 'Smoggies' who reach SJP. The packs containing a bar of soap, a towel together with instructions will be distributed at the ground to anyone wearing white socks and having a 'dew drop' hanging from their nose.
NUFC have said Middlesbrough FC have been very cooperative informing their supporters preparation in their recent home Riverside matches by announcements on tannoy systems and match programmes that:
(a) The city of Newcastle operates under the "Rule of Law"
(b) It is illegal to defecate or urinate in the street (or anywhere in public)
(c) It is illegal to carry items such as crossbow, spiked ball and chain or any other similar threatening implements.
NUFC and Newcastle City Council hope that the whole event can go off without any complications and that the city can get back to normalcy by Monday morning.
- 1 Reply to michael h
Good post by Mr Muscle, makes a change to see some humerous banter instead of the usual vile shite spouted by some tossers in particular. Mind you I think the World Health Organisation would have its hands full in Newcastle anyway....full of 8 year old kids that weigh 14 fookin stone ; )
Will this include the interpreters that will be required to decipher what the hell the geordies are saying?
"Newcastle City residents and surrounding farm owners"
I didn't realise that there were farms in the Ceety of Neewkasell man! Is that the main industry there?
"It is illegal to defecate or urinate in the street (or anywhere in public)"
You wanna tell yoor young lassies about that one then like. Any Saturday neet is like a public oorinal on them thar streets man.
Now go forth and multiply....like.