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  • Boro Doug Boro Doug Aug 22, 2007 18:05 Flag

    Newcastle United fans prepare for trip to Middlesboro

    You sure these aren´t the warnings that come with sleeping with your family Mini Muscle and you have just cleverly changed your sisters and mothers name with Boro? See below

    1. Notify your doctor of your intention to go into female family members. DO NOT GO IF CONSIDERING MALE..

    2. Check with your health insurance company to ensure you are covered for sex with whores

    3. Buy protective suit with face mask respirator and rubber gloves, domestos and dettol sprays and double strength condoms

    4. Take non-slip boots to prevent slipping and falling inside.

    5. Make sure you are inoculated against all modern day plagues.

    6. On the day, wear adult diaper to prevent the need and risks of entering any family member

    7. Be aware: Most first time visitors to his sister on return report nightmares and/or hallucinations for up to a month afterwards

    8. Take all of your own food and drink do not drink from their cup

    9. On "day of match" go directly to sporting arena- After "match" has ended head by the most direct route out of her.

    10. If walking in street to meet family do not exhibit any signs of affluence (polished shoes/comb/ money).

    11. If approached by aggressive brothers- showing them a bar of soap or a Jobseekers Application Form seems to act as a deterrent

    12. Avoid eye contact with ET look-alikes (half brother)

    13. If caught in sister after dark climb the nearest lamppost and remain there until morning before attempting escape

    14. Do not be tempted to get involved with any family members in "business transactions" particularly involving the following items:
    • Military hardware (105mm howitzers, rocket launchers)
    • Exotic substances
    • Livestock
    Family babies

    15. It is not recommended that you travel by car. If you want to take the risk traveling by car - upon deciding on a parking space remove your car tax disk -syphon the fuel from the tank into a metal container and store it in the boot. Apply windolene to the inside of the windows, Jack up the car and take the wheels off and secure them in the boot of the vehicle along with any other fixtures that can be removed with a crow bar (mirrors/door handles/windscreen wipers/exhaust/bumper/ number plates). In the likely event of your car being stolen/broken into: make sure you have book alternative means of transport available. Escape is normally required

    16. Only use main highways to enter her - bandits have made the back passage unsafe

    17. Do not stop at check points manned by people with masks You have probably entered a No Go area (quickly turn around or reverse - if necessary abandon the vehicle and make your getaway on foot)

    18. On return home dispose of protective clothing and in the incinerator, brand and lighter fluid are recommended for personal hygiene

    19. On arrival home immerse yourself in bath full of triple strength sheep dip for at least 45 minutes) preferably head under the water with mask and snorkel. As an extra precaution shave all hair from the body and clean all body orifices with cotton buds soaked in domestos.(Drink plenty of water)/

    20. Following your return home if you suffer from itching, rashes, diarrhea, body lice - Unlucky its probably uncurable

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