Middlesbrough Message Board
Sensationally last night, Ethel the pie lady at Saint James Park was sacked last night amidst a furore of public opinion!!!!
With a vacant position to fill and a ground full of fat b@st@rds, club owner Mike Ashley has no choice but to find a replacement for Ethel Tacklegob,….The big question is - who?
Harry Ramsden - The fish n chip shop mogul raced into the lead in the betting stakes as favourite to take over from Ethel and he would certainly tick the experience box for Ashley. He also makes the kind of greasy slop that Newcastle fans are craving for and could relish a move up north, especially since signing Mark “fatso” Viduka, he would be certain to pick up a hefty pay check.
Alan Shearer's Mam - If the fans were to choose, the former terrace hero’s mother would take over today. Her lardy pastry & revolting pigs lips fillings must surely have been a factor in Shearer running away to Southampton at an early age & his goal scoring prowess was honed playing keepy-uppy with her stale pork pies.
Martin Jol - Currently out of work and available after having eaten an entire Greggs factory earlier this season, Jol is certainly fat enough to take the job. He has clearly had plenty of pie eating experience & has more chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
Cheryl Cole (formally Tweedy) – A rank outsider for the post, Mrs Cole unfortunately does not have the voluptuous figure of the other candidates and does not posses the necessary spots & greasy skin associated with the job. “Wye eye man ahh can do it” she mumbled in a recent interview…”Wor Ashley sez mah grub is fit for pigs….so I reckon the jobs as good as mine like”
Steve McClaren - The former England coach is currently out of Brylcream and his 50’s throwback image goes down well in the North East. But his failure to finish his pile in the 2007 Euro pie eating finals has seriously tarnished his reputation, and he is not known for cooking un-attractive food. He would be an unpopular choice with Toon fans.
Can't say I know - but the good news is it won't be Harry Redknapp -who would have had a short stay.
It won't be Shearer either - he wouldn't risk it - Ithink hell follow the career of Hansen.
You never know though The owner might have spotted some talent in- house and it might be: Sir Terry MacDermott