West ham sensationally turned the football world upside down tonight when they revealed their new model for the club next season today to the envy of the football world.
In what has been claimed as a major victory for the boo boys of last season the chairman revealed the following changes and appointments:
West Ham to sign Villa ( player not club), ronaldo, fabregas, Gerrard, Ribery and Tevez with a further £500 million to be made available at January window.
Jose Mourinho. Arsene Wenger and Alex Ferguson to work together with slaven bilic paolo di canio as their understudies.
Season Ticket prices to be frozen for the millennium.
Free pie and mash or jellied eels for all supporters – or delivered to home address if unable to attend.
To introduce a “cheers or tears playing policy whereby any player not receiving a degree of cheers to an agreed level will be immediately substituted and those being booed transferred.
The new wembley to be up-rooted to Upton Park whilst a committee of 350 will work on how not to spoil the unique beauty of the area.
All blatant signs of commercialism//”selling out” like advertising boards/sponsors to be banned immediately – “ we suddenly realised – who the #$%$ need em’ said the chairman to rapturous applause from the fans.
In his final statement the chairman said that he hoped maybe now the club had at least met halfway the requirements of the supporters there would be an improvement in support from the terraces – when asked how the above were to be financed he replied to more deafening cheers “ if you believe – anything’s possible” and promptly flew out the second floor window.