Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. " Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. " That little #$%$, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that
to you, he must have had something in his hand." " That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and
a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." " Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. " So," says the cop to the driver, where have Ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. " Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
a few to drink this evening." " I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "D id you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."