The 2018 Premier League Predictor (Part One): Club-by-club guide, transfers, grades & predictions

As the Premier League pauses for the FA Cup, it’s time to take stock. With the season now more than halfway through and the 2018 transfer market coming to a close, how is your team doing? Where can they improve and what players are being linked to save them from relegation or deliver glory?

Below we present a club-by-club Premier League Predictor, which also includes a fantasy 2018 resolution, taking a sideways look at every team. Click here for part two.

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Arsenal

The season so far: Erratic, beguiling and occasionally brilliant, the form of both Mesut Özil and Alexis Sánchez act as a microcosm for the club’s 2017 performance. Their ongoing presence, like that of manager Arsène Wenger, had seemed to suggest that stasis was now the dominant force at the Emirates, despite the occasionally dynamic contribution of new striker Alexandre Lacazette.

Grade: C

What they need: The seemingly impossible: a satisfying resolution to the contract stand-off with Özil and Sánchez. The latter’s departure and Henrikh Mkhitaryan’s arrival suggests progress has been made. Elsewhere, the midfield and defensive spines are both ageing and inconsistent.

Rumoured signings: Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Thomas Lemar.

2018 fantasy resolution: Sign Aubameyang and get the Gabon forward to rediscover his lethal form alongside former Borussia Dortmund team-mate Mkhitaryan.

Predicted final position: 6th

Bournemouth

The season so far: An up and mostly down season that threatens to derail the stunning progress made by the club since earning promotion to the Premier League in 2015. While it’s hard to fault the attitude of the players or work of manager Eddie Howe, there are problems at both ends of the pitch and questions will be asked if they’re dragged back into The Championship.

Grade: D

Transfer market: With injuries hitting their forward line and Jermain Defoe and Joshua King facing spells out, the club are being linked with a loan move for former star Danny Ings, who is about eighth in line at Liverpool.

Rumoured signings: Firmin Ndombe Mubele and Danny Ings.

2018 fantasy resolution: To avoid relegation and swerve the inevitable apparition of *local hero* Harry Redknapp being drafted in to work alongside Eddie Howe as director of football.

Predicted final position: 16th

Brighton & Hove Albion

The season so far: Their Premier League debut and first season in the top-flight for 34 years could never be a disappointment. However, there is concern going forward, with Brighton sitting in the bottom three for goals scored. But a solid start and some convincing performances suggest, with a bit of luck and real investment, the Seagulls won’t be coming down to Earth just yet.

Grade: B

Transfer market: The club appear to have struck gold with the signing of Pascal Gross from the Bundesliga’s FC Ingolstadt. With the addition of a genuinely dangerous striker, their Premier League status could be secured.

Rumoured signings: Moussa Dembele, Ze Luis and Kevin Lasagna.

2018 fantasy resolution: To not release a big beat anthem called Fatboy’s Going To Wembley in the event of an unlikely run to the FA Cup final.

Predicted final position: 14th

Burnley

The season so far: Surely no-one could have predicted Burnley’s recent position as top six challengers. Since taking an unassailable 3-0 lead at Premier League holders Chelsea on the opening day of the season, Sean Dyche has led his high-functioning, quietly efficient charges into truly uncharted waters. Can they keep it up? More to the point, can they keep him?

Grade: A

Transfer market: Somewhat unusually, Dyche’s squad is drawn almost exclusively from the British Isles. This obviously limits his options but there are players available that could offer a level of panache that’s currently absent. Georges-Kevin N’Koudou has already signed on loan from Spurs.

Rumoured signings: Jozo Simunovic, Robert Snodgrass and Karl Toko Ekambi.

2018 fantasy resolution: To propose changing the club’s motto, in support of the people of Burnley’s unequivocal backing for Brexit, to: “This is a local town for local people”.

Predicted final position: 8th

Chelsea

The season so far: The boom and bust phenomenon that seems to stalk the corridors of Stamford Bridge looks to have dragged manager Antonio Conte and his title-winning team back to reality this season. Speculation about his future amid reported frustration with the board remains but Chelsea are still competing on multiple fronts. With this group of players, anything is possible.

Grade: B

Transfer market: Chelsea are a club that never seem very far away from spending a fortune and Conte is known to be frustrated by his attacking options. Having failed to secure Fernando Llorente or be convinced by Michy Batshuayi, another forward is likely.

Rumoured signings: Alex Sandro, Emerson Palmieri and Edin Dzeko.

2018 fantasy resolution: To somehow sign a new player with a name as exciting as Zappacosta and Azpilicueta and form a formidably unpronounceable three-man defence.

Predicted final position: 2nd

Crystal Palace

The season so far: It could have been a lot worse. Manager Frank de Boer was sacked after seven straight defeats without scoring a goal, prompting the club to parachute Roy Hodgson in from his England ignominy. Now a few points clear of the relegation zone, the team have made steady progress and achieved some memorable wins. However, it seems unlikely this rollercoaster ride is over.

Grade: D

Transfer market: With Christian Benteke either too inconsistent or too lazy to fulfil his evident potential, the side look short of genuine striking options. However, the goalkeeping position remains, fittingly, the number one priority.

Rumoured signings: Kevin Trapp, Ibrahim Amadou and Troy Deeney.

2018 fantasy resolution: To convince hirsute former fans’ favourite Mile Jedinak to return to the club by building a craft ale brewery for him next door to Selhurst Park.

Predicted final position: 15th

Everton

The season so far: Again, it could have been a lot worse. With their own Dutch experiment consigned to the total football dustbin, the Everton board went route one, appointing Sam Allardyce. Having turned relegation survival into his own special power, it would be a real surprise if Everton were dragged back into the relegation zone. Just don’t expect Big Sam to have them playing like anything other than a team scrapping for survival.

Grade: D

Transfer market: Koeman’s foolish decision to arm the club with multiple number 10s to supply ammunition while neglecting to buy a gun means a genuine replacement for Romelu Lukaku is surely inevitable.

Rumoured signings: Steven N’Zonzi and Olivier Giroud.

2018 fantasy resolution: To get the fans onside with Big Sam by launching a social media campaign that goes on endlessly about how attractive his Bolton team where while ignoring the tawdry football played in all subsequent roles.

Predicted final position: 9th

Huddersfield Town

The season so far: What’s better than returning to the top-flight after 50 years? How about beating Manchester United? Like Brighton, Huddersfield’s ascension to the Premier League has been less of a struggle than many predicted, although they have conceded more goals than manager David Wagner would like. Remedy that and perhaps they can start looking up the table rather than down.

Grade: B

Transfer market: The club have moved to strengthen at the back by signing Monaco defender Terence Kongolo on loan until the end of the season but are still short of numbers with Wagner admitting the team looked tired during the testing festive period. The £14m purchase of Alex Pritchard from Norwich City will help their attacking threat.

Rumoured signings: Clement Grenier and Danny Ings.

2018 fantasy resolution: To set up a webcam in gaffer Wagner’s office to find out if he’s just constantly trimming his perfect beard whenever no-one’s looking.

Predicted final position: 12th

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Leicester City

The season so far: Pretty much to the surprise of no-one, Craig Shakespeare proved less than capable of leading Leicester to anything like their 2016 Premier League title-winning form. Replacement Claude Puel is the latest manager to make a musical chairs-style return to British football and has certainly steadied the ship with a squad that retains quality throughout.

Grade: C

Transfer market: Portuguese midfielder Andre Silva finally made his debut in the 3-0 win against Huddersfield, four months after missing the transfer deadline by 14 seconds. But other reinforcements are expected, particularly if star winger Riyad Mahrez leaves the club.

Rumoured signings: Adam Smith, Andre Almeida and Hatem Ben Arfa.

2018 fantasy resolution: To build greater links with the local community and develop the brand globally. Proposals include working in tandem with Gary Lineker and Walker’s to formulate a new predictive data model: XC (Expected crisps).

Predicted final position: 7th

Liverpool

The season so far: Despite getting tonked by Manchester City and Tottenham, Liverpool now appear firmly established in the top four. It’s a position that promises longevity too, should the eye-watering £75m signing of Virgil Van Dyk provide the defensive stability Jürgen Klopp has found it impossible to instil during his time at the Anfield helm.

Grade: B

Transfer market: With Naby Keita arriving in the summer to strengthen midfield, it is defensively, particularly in goal, where their season may stand or fall.

Rumoured signings: Jasper Cillessen, Leon Goretzka and Thomas Lemar.

2018 fantasy resolution: To prove beyond doubt that goal machine Mo Salah is the natural successor to Ian Rush by teaching him to speak in an authentic Scouse accent by watching videos of Jan Molby.

Predicted final position: 5th