Despite being one of the most challenging ages to contend with, toddlerhood is definitely up there with being the funniest.
With the ability to speak words and the need for more independence comes a lot of amusement – and thankfully, the parents of today have been more than happy to share the goods on Twitter so others can have a laugh (mostly at their expense) too.
Here are some of the absolute corkers toddlers have come out with, as well as the delightfully odd things they get up to – three-year-old kissing a snake pic, we’re looking at you.
Me: Yes, you were in my belly.
*tears in her eyes*
...why did you eat me?
— Renée Agatep (@GoingByRenee) November 3, 2021
I asked my 3yo daughter to guess the names of some more 80s and 90s wrestlers pic.twitter.com/vR4B4OuVby
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) May 19, 2016
Told my 2yo we could do something just me and him this afternoon and asked what he wanted to do and he said "Can I have a meltdown?" Honestly, sure, this advanced warning is great for planning purposes, and appreciate it.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 5, 2023
Forced my biracial 3yo kid to watch Kamala Harris' speech, esp the part where she told kids to dream big and see themselves in ways that others have never seen before. Then I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. And he said... "An owl on the moon."
— Latif Nasser (@latifnasser) November 8, 2020
My 3yo-niece just yelled for no reason at all, while playing with the carpet, “HELP. I AM STUCK. IN THE WORLD.”
— Kate Brauning (@KateBrauning) November 10, 2018
When my 2yo doesn’t want to talk anymore, she ends the conversation with “happy birthday” and walks away waving bye.
— Princess | Family Wellness (@themultiplemom) May 8, 2023
My sister caught my 3yo niece spinning in a circle alone in a room and kissing the page of a book. When she peeked at the page she was kissing...
— kukubee (@kukubee) January 27, 2018
Told my 3yo he couldn’t play outside because it’s too wet. (It’s really because I’m tired)
So of course, of COURSE, I caught him mopping the yard with my good mop. 😂
— Ren (@whip_hand_) May 22, 2023
"Are you fucking kidding me?!"
--my 2yo, clear as a bell, in the middle of PetSmart, upon seeing a snake in real life for the first time
— Austin J. Clements (@ClementsAustinJ) April 11, 2021
Thinking about the time my 3yo forgot the name for chicken nuggets and called them “orange meat cookies”
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 4, 2022
My 3yo is wearing a hoodie backwards and is storing snacks in the hood and I am in amazement that I created something this magnificent.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 30, 2018
My 3yo wrote a song called, My Mommy Is So High. It's my favorite song because it's about me being taller than her.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 17, 2020
My 2yo begged me to take a bath with him and then spent the majority of the bath laughing at my dick.
Parenting is humbling.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 15, 2019
Me to my 2yo: Hey, what do you need those scissors for?
Me: What?! Violence?!
My 7yo from the other room: "I said VITAMINS! We need to open the VITAMINS"
— Joe Zieja (@JoeZieja) August 16, 2020
Oh man I did the thing where you rest your head on your toddler’s lap while they’re distracted and watching TV to gauge their true feelings about you and mine sweetly, absentmindedly patted my head and said “I really wish you would go away.”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 8, 2022
My 3 year old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded, man.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 19, 2019
My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same.
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) June 22, 2022
My sweet little 2 year old toddler just walked up to me and said:
“Here you go!” And gently put something in my hand.
“Thank you sweetie!” I said. She ran off. I opened my hand, smiling to myself to see what she had handed me...
It. Was. A. Booger.
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) December 22, 2018
My toddler just said to me, “You’re like an old lady and a baby”, and I’ve never felt so seen.
— Jewel Staite (@JewelStaite) May 22, 2019
My toddler pointed at my stomach and said “peanut butter” and then laughed uncontrollably. I’m not sure what it meant but it stung.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 10, 2018
My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today and I said, "I can't see that happening" then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 26, 2021