Advertisement

33 Ridiculously Funny Dad Jokes That'll Make You So Mad You Laughed

Believe it or not, but there's still no Pulitzer Prize for the dad joke. That, my friends, is a travesty because there's a fine art to telling a quality dad joke.

why are seagulls called seagulls? 'cause if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels

However, if there WERE a Pulitzer Prize for the dad joke, it might go to the funny dads (and honorary dads) over at r/dadjokes. Don't believe me? Here are some of their best groaners:

1."I was the best man for my brother's wedding in Paris. At the reception, I raised my champagne glass and said 'Eggs, cinnamon, bread, and maple syrup.' It was a French Toast."

andersonfmly

2."I stopped at a little roadside shack that said 'Lobster tails $5.' I gave the guy five bucks and he said 'once upon a time in a far off land, there was a lobster…'”

Prossdog

3."I told a joke on a Zoom meeting and no one laughed. It turns out I'm not remotely funny."

Winterwoollies

4."I got arrested today for walking out of an art museum with a painting. I’m just so confused because earlier when I asked the security guard if I could take a picture he said 'yes.'"

FeralPixels

5."SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus."

madazzahatter

man with his eyes closed as he laughs
Nbc / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images

6."I was alone in the bath. Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!"

EndersGame_Reviewer

7."I told my wife I was building a model of Mount Everest. She asked, 'Is it to scale?' I replied, 'No, it's to look at.'"

Ynotasub

8."A woman in labor yells, 'Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Don't! Can't!" The doctor tells her husband, 'Don't worry, those are just contractions.'"

Ynotasub

9."A woman was three months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about six months. The woman asked the doctor about her baby."

"Doctor: 'You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.'

Woman: 'No, No, No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?'

Doctor: 'Denise.'

Woman: 'Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?'

Doctor: 'Denephew.'"

BrendaBana

10."I told my wife, 'Did you know Old McDonald’s farm has been taken over by Artificial Intelligence?'”

"Her: AI?

Me: AI.

Her: Oh."

porichoygupto

man grinning
Nbc / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images

11."Did you hear about the man who invented the shovel? Some say he had a ground-breaking invention."

That_Guy1776

12."My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions, but don't worry. I'll return."

sitesouk

13.“'Have you heard of Murphy’s law?' 'Yeah.' 'What is it?' 'If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.' 'That’s right. Have you heard of Cole’s law?' 'No, what is it?' 'Thinly sliced cabbage and mayo.'”

no_bon3s_about_it

14."As an American, I'm tired of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world."

yomommafool

15."I handed my daughter an apple. She said, 'But dad, I wanted a pear.' So I handed her another apple."

myverypunnydad

man looking over at someone and laughing
Jesse D. Garrabrant / NBAE via Getty Images

16."My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...I told her not to get her hopes up. 'After all,' I said, 'We're only going to celebrate it for half a minute.' When she asked me what I was talking about, I pointed out 'This is your thirty-second birthday.'"

lemindfleya

17."I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels. She never knew I existed."

EndersGame_Reviewer

18."I once swallowed a bunch of synonyms. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had."

BiffMayhem

19."Me: 'The baby is only 67% done with pooping.' Wife: 'What? How can you tell?' Me: 'Two turds.'"

myverypunnydad

20."A group of dolphins is called a pod, and a group of falcons is called a cast. So, if you ever watch the Miami Dolphins play the Atlanta Falcons, technically, you’re watching a pod-cast."

battlerazzle01

Man smiling
Axelle / FilmMagic

21."A girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture. I told her I'm just looking for a match."

PickledPhallus

22."I've been telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes. You know, raisin awareness."

Ynotasub

23."Astronaut 1: 'I can’t find any milk for my coffee.' Astronaut 2: 'In space no one can… here, use cream.'”

CheeseheadDave

24."A man at a funeral approaches the widow and asks if he can say a word. She nods her approval and he takes the podium. The man says, 'Plethora,' then exits. 'Thanks,' the widow says, 'That means a lot.'"

Visotto1

25."Is it possible to give someone a skin graft from your butt? Ass skin for a friend."

mynameisJVJ

LeBron James and Stephen Curry share a laugh on the basketball court
Ezra Shaw / Getty Images

26."What do you call someone who only believes in 12.5% of the bible? An eighth-theist."

Boinator6000

27."How do you get 100 math teachers into a room where only 99 fit? You carry the one."

prlugo4162

28."An old man was lying is his bed dying when he smelled his favorite cookies. He rolled out of bed, crawled into the kitchen, and picked up a cookie with all of his strength... but his wife smacked his hand with the spatula and said, 'What are you doin'? Those are for the funeral...'"

DazedMonk

29."When my wife was in labor, I would tell her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused. It must have been the delivery."

TheQuietKid22

30."My spouse keeps setting their farts on fire and I think it may be over between us……I just can’t take all the gaslighting anymore."

anon1292023

Man in suit laughing
Nbc / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images

31."Do you know why milk is the fastest liquid? It's pasteurized before we can even see it."

Riselythe

32."In a freak accident today, a photographer was injured when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people he was photographing did try to warn him."

MaxCWebster

33."What was more important than the invention of the first telephone? The invention of the second telephone."

Xfl_roughnecks

HT: r/dadjokes