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What absolutely will happen in the Premier League this weekend
Stoke to get sunk, Harry Kane to let loose, Saints to stay alive, Manchester City to dish out another lesson and Chelsea to share a few goals with Liverpool.
Here’s what’s going to go down in the Premier League this weekend.
Brighton vs Manchester United
Put your mortgage on…
Marcus Rashford taking centre stage.
Romelu Lukaku’s foot injury picked up last weekend may not be serious enough to keep him out of the FA Cup final, but it has opened up a chance for Rashford to play where he surely wants: right down the middle.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
September, 1992: David Beckham makes his United debut off the bench in the League Cup at third-tier Brighton, Danny Wallace scores a beauty, and then a trademark Mark Hughes scissor-kick decides the tie in the second leg at Old Trafford.
Stoke vs Crystal Palace
Put your mortgage on…
Stoke’s 10-year Premier League stretch to be effectively ended.
Once the epitome of top-flight consolidation (if nothing much more), they’ve gone through their post-Pulis rebrand only to achieve stagnation.
Palace have more verve, more talented players that care, a cannier manager, and that’s why they’re staying up instead.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
October, 1977: George Graham, looking almost exactly like Ricardo Carvalho and wearing a very odd Palace away kit, gets himself sent off for two tasty challenges, but a Steve Brennan screamer seals a win at Stoke anyway.
Bournemouth vs Swansea
Put your mortgage on…
Endless approach play.
This is effectively a strikerless game – Josh King and Jordan Ayew are top scorers for Bournemouth and Swansea respectively, with a mere seven goals each – as some expensive misjudgements (Jermain Defoe, Wilfried Bony) sit on the sidelines.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
October, 2007: a Lee Bradbury penalty briefly gives Bournemouth hope at home to Swansea in front of less than 6,000 fans at Dean Court.
How far both sides (and mobile phone video quality) have come.
Leicester vs West Ham
Put your mortgage on…
Leicester to bounce back better in the Discontent Derby.
Both sides were handed a footballing lesson last weekend and are now limping over the line, but i’d take a mentally-holidaying Leicester over Sullivan-and-Gold-era West Ham any day.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
October, 1997: Emile Heskey outpaces Rio Ferdinand, West Ham equalise, Leicester then chuck the kitchen sink at them, and Ian Marshall – a man who looks like he should have been fitting actual kitchen sinks for a living – scores the winner.
Watford vs Newcastle
Put your mortgage on…
An end-of-season feel at Vicarage Road that’s so end-of-seasony this might as well be a pre-season friendly.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
Oh yes: Watford and Newcastle go head-to-head and trainer-to-trainer in the Guiness Soccer Sixes back in 1987. My kingdom (and yours) to bring this tournament back…
@FootballInT80s Newcastle United v Watford, Guinness Soccer 6, 19…: http://t.co/cr8PnzgOyx – enjoy. #nufc v #wfc 1987
— NUFC 1980-1994 (@NUFC_1980_1994) June 22, 2014
West Brom vs Tottenham
Put your mortgage on…
Harry Kane to keep Mohamed Salah on his golden toes. Last season, Kane cleaned up against winding-down opposition to score eight goals in his last three games to take the Golden Boot. He goes into the weekend four behind Salah, who probably has other things on his mind this month.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
A five-goal thriller from November 1980, featuring youngsters Glenn Hoddle and Bryan Robson at White Hart Lane…
Everton vs Southampton
Put your mortgage on…
Saints to keep themselves alive for the big one in midweek. On Tuesday, they travel to Swansea – a six-pointer if ever there was one – so this weekend is all about keeping that fragile morale intact after a much-needed win last time out.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
November, 1996: Southampton visit Goodison Park and get a seven-goal hammering for their troubles, including a hat-trick from Gary Speed.
Manchester City vs Huddersfield
Put your mortgage on…
A painful start to Huddersfield’s unenviable run-in.
At a glance, their relegation fight looks to be a winnable one, until you delve into the details and find that their last three games are Man City (A), Chelsea (A) and Arsene Wenger’s Final Match as Arsenal Manager After 22 Years (H).
The likes of Southampton and Swansea will be secretly hoping they can 0-0 their way to safety while Huddersfield are sunk with the fixture computer tied to their ankles.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
November, 1987: Manchester City 10 (TEN, T.E.N) Huddersfield Town 1
Arsenal vs Burnley
Put your mortgage on…
A painful reminder, whatever the result, that Arsenal are mixing it with Burnley for sixth place, 30-odd points away from the top of the table.
Still, Arsene Wenger can expect some genuinely warm words of respect and tribute from Sean Dyche.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
March, 2009: Arsenal produce three delightful finishes to take care or Burnley in the FA Cup, courtesy of Carlos Vela, Eduardo and Emmanuel Eboue:
Chelsea vs Liverpool
Put your mortgage on…
While it’s tempting to go for a Chelsea win to put a potentially huge spanner in Liverpool’s Champions League-qualification works, the overwhelming sense that the league table shouldn’t lie means that an entertaining draw feels like the most appropriate outcome.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
February, 1992: a crashing, 25-yard half-volley at Anfield by…Vinnie Jones, actually.
