'If it’s an act, it’s unsustainable': rugby union's answer to Ant and Dec

Welcome back to the show. Only 3,500 people, carefully spread out around the Twickenham Stoop, will be allowed in to watch Harlequins play Bath this weekend but at least it is a start. For English rugby, and all who make a living from the game, the return of paying supporters is a time for tightly crossed fingers and cautious optimism that, financially, the worst might soon be over.

There is a bigger picture, too. Club rugby does not just have to woo back its traditional constituents and their all-important wallets. To pay the bills it also needs to entice more floating voters and, ideally, inflate its television viewing figures. Even a touchline pundit such as David Flatman, relentlessly teased from the cheap seats for his taste in jackets and generous front-rower’s physique, is relieved to see the punters back. “Fans do make a difference,” the former Bath and England prop says. “Without them there isn’t a game, there’s a full-contact training run.”

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Live audiences also help Flatman and his fellow Channel 5 highlights co-host, Mark Durden-Smith, in their mission to add a dash of colour to proceedings. In many ways the pair are perfect exemplars of the breezier approach rugby has to embrace in order to penetrate more living rooms. Channel 5 has seldom claimed to be the world’s pre-eminent rugby channel but for those who enjoy intelligent, quick-fire repartee with their oval balls, Flatman’s and Durden-Smith’s weekly review show is a genuine hoot.

As double acts go they might even qualify as rugby’s answer to Ant and Dec, were it not for the fact that “Flats” – who also stands on the left – could probably eat five Ants in one sitting. “He’s strangely erudite for a man who looks like he should be a Neanderthal,” says Durden-Smith, tenderly. Slightly better, perhaps, to describe the smooth-talking “Durders” – “I’m from the mean streets of Highgate” – and his bull-necked pal as the Posh and Pecs of British broadcasting.

It is a compliment, clearly. Of course professional rugby is a serious business but it is also a branch of the entertainment industry, a truth sometimes overlooked by those working within it.

No one is suggesting rugby requires prat-falling clowns to appeal to a wider audience but the feedback Flatman receives from members of the public is revealing. “The second worst thing in the world behind Donald Trump is people retweeting praise of themselves. Whatever I’ve just eaten, that makes me vomit. However, I get a good number of messages saying ‘my partner doesn’t care too much about the rugby but loves watching you guys’. We get quite a bit of that.”

The secret is the ability to find a balance somewhere up on the precarious ridge between frivolity and authority. Wear a horribly shiny black coat resembling a bin-liner, fine, but also make sure you do your homework. “If you come across as jesters you’re not taken terribly seriously,” says Flatman. “I love a laugh but I don’t take the piss the whole time. Sport is about entertainment and fun but this isn’t keepy-uppies in the park. It’s serious stuff and there are jobs and bodies on the line. We also mustn’t forget that, for some people it’s the biggest passion in their lives. I think it’s about sensing the tone and enjoying yourself whenever you can.”

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone loves the 40-year-old’s familiar blunt honesty and ex-pro insight. Chief executives and directors of rugby have been known to leave expletive-strewn messages on his answerphone and he still remembers Richard Cockerill “looking like he was about to chin me on the field and calling me all sorts because I’d said what I thought”. It is his instinctive plain speaking, reckons Durden-Smith, that elevates his partner above the average expert summariser. “Flats is one of the most original thinkers working in sport. That’s why he resonates with people. He’s also brutally honest and has a proper affinity with the fans. However rude he is to them they don’t seem to mind.”

As for Durden-Smith, 51, the high wire of live presenting holds few fears. His mother is Judith Chalmers and he once worked as a researcher for, among others, Clive Anderson, Clive James and Alan Titchmarsh. A few buttock-clenching experiences hosting breakfast telly and reality shows have also instilled a sense of perspective. “Did you know I appear twice in a poll of the world’s top 50 worst-ever TV programmes? There was Drop the Celebrity on ITV – that was a disaster – and then there was Surprise Wedding when people got married on Valentine’s Day in a leap year and then all got divorced.”

Despite this mixed back catalogue, Flatman invariably finds their partnership a rich source of mischievous amusement. “He’s awfully cruel to me, about my weight primarily. And the fact I don’t have many England caps. But I think Mark is drastically underused in the sports presentation world. I can’t think of a TV show that I wouldn’t rather Mark was presenting. Apart, obviously, from Emily Maitlis, who’s much better than him.”

Then again, the host of Newsnight might not greatly fancy standing on a cold dark touchline at Kingsholm with the Shed chanting “Eeyore” behind her. Flatman, either way, has only one real burning television ambition. “I wouldn’t swap our show for any other gig because I really enjoy it. That said, I would delete all my friends from my life – including my parents – to do Top Gear. What has Freddie Flintoff ever done in sport that I haven’t? Mark and I should be doing it.”

1) Up to 3,500 people will be permitted inside the stadium. Fans will be seated around the ground, socially distanced from those not in their 'bubble'.

2) Spectators will be required to supply contact details for track and trace purposes, as per government guidelines.

3) Food/drink will be delivered to spectators via an app.

4) Admission price is £10 for U16, £30 for North and South Stand, £50 for East and West stands. All available tickets were allocated following a ballot.

5) If the day goes well, Quins are hoping to host more pilot events. They will also be sharing feedback with other teams – and other sports – to help encourage the return of fans on a regular basis.

6)  9,000 fans are set to attend Brive's French Top 14 game against Bayonne on Sunday.

For the time being, happily, rugby can continue to laugh along with them. Channel 5, whose average viewing audience of 485,000 for last weekend’s live game was the highest since the league’s resumption, will certainly hope the feelgood Flatman factor endures, even if the latter occasionally finds his rising profile slightly inconvenient. “As a player I wasn’t that good, so no one really gave a toss. On TV you get much more exposure. They see your face more clearly than a 50-cap international who always wears a scrum-cap.”

It will not prevent Durden-Smith and himself from heading to the Stoop with renewed enthusiasm. “Ultimately, if it’s an act, it’s exhausting and unsustainable. We actually really enjoy it and I think that makes it more likely people at home will enjoy it too.” Regardless of the standard of this week’s games, the highlights will be worth watching.