#AgainstModernFootball - pre-season derbies

As soon as the fixture list for the new 2016/17 season dropped through the letterbox of clubs, journalists and fans the first Manchester derby of the campaign was picked out, highlighted and circled. The first clash between Jose Mourinho and Pep Guardiola will take place at Old Trafford on September 10, with the match setting the tone of what will surely become English football’s predominant rivalry. Except City and United will have met already this season.

When the first Manchester derby of the Guardiola v Mourinho era is recalled the pedants will reference a match played not in the city, or even England, but in China instead. Indeed, the two clubs will meet at Beijing’s Bird’s Nest Stadium on Monday, marking the first time City and United will have faced each other on foreign soil. If ever there was an illustration of modern football, this is it.

Don’t believe the spin that attempts to bill this as a competitive fixture under the guise of the International Champions Cup. This is a meaningless pre-season friendly. Any true meaning is merely contrived, PR bluster and hype. This will be a match with no heart and with very little rivalry.

That’s what makes Monday’s game in Beijing so sad. These occasions are what makes football so great. Without wishing to invoke the corny puff the Premier League sells itself with around the world, derbies are made special by the fans. Without them rivalries are decidedly hollow.

Half and half scarves will be in abundance around the Bird’s Nest Stadium on Monday, as fans treat the match as something of a tourist attraction. Of course, the Premier League in itself is a tourist attraction, with supporters visiting England’s top flight from all over the planet. But this International Champions Cup game will be so touristy there won’t be player ratings but Trip Advisor reviews instead. Stewards will be replaced by National Trust reps.

Perhaps this offers something of a glimpse into the Premier League’s future. A future which sees super-clubs play home games abroad, taking English football’s glittering, shimmering roadshows to wherever plays the most and commands the biggest audience. Just imagine, Arsenal v Spurs at the Yokohama International Stadium in Japan. Or Everton v Liverpool at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. Richard Scudamore - the pioneer of the 39th game proposal - will surely watch Monday’s Manchester derby with interest.

Of course, it’s admirable to an extent that the Premier League’s clubs should take their players around the world for such games, even if it’s just for pre-season. Ignoring the cynical, yet most likely accurate, belief that clubs only embark on such tours for the riches they offer, it’s commendable that they should give fans who watch every week on television the chance to see their favourite teams and players in first-hand action.

But what those who turn up at the Bird’s Nest Stadium on Monday will get is a pale imitation of the Manchester derby. Not only will the spirit of the contest be missing, but so will Kevin De Bruyne, Eliaquim Mangala, Bacary Sagna, Sergio Aguero, David Silva, Nicolas Otamendi Anthony Martial, Morgan Schneiderlin, Mateo Darmian and Bastian Schweinsteiger among others. This will be a second rate derby played by second-string lineups.

But Blue Moon will be sung nonetheless. Those of a red persuasion will chant about Eric Cantona, hailing a player they most likely only had the chance to watch on television. It’s entirely true that fans from far-flung lands like the Far East can be just as passionate as those on the Stretford End or the old Kippax, but this will be a plastic derby.

It will like your local high school’s performance of the musical Cats. The primary components will be there, the songs will be the same, but everything that makes the Broadway-original so special will be missing. No matter how good a job Mr. Walters, the drama teacher, does, no matter how well the pupils are choreographed, it’s just not the same.

But will either club really care when they leave Beijing’s Bird’s Nest Stadium with more gold stuffed in their pockets than Usain Bolt did eight years ago? Guardiola and Mourinho’s first Manchester derby clash will meaning little, if anything at all, but this is the new normal. Derby matches are no longer a strictly local affair, especially when they’re played thousands of miles away from home. They’ll be hoping for a good Trip Advisor review.