Al-Hasawi ready to sell Forest, as long as he keeps name and ground

Embattled Nottingham Forest owner Fawaz Al-Hasawi will only consider offers for the club that allow him to keep the name ‘Nottingham Forest’ for his own and to live within the City Ground, it has emerged.

Al-Hasawi’s relationship with fans has soured since the twin revelations that his ‘five-year plan’ for the club ended with competing in the Asian Champions League rather than Europe’s showpiece event, and that his long-term financial projections were in fact a repurposed ‘treasure map’ from a McDonald’s Happy Meal.

While the Kuwaiti businessman appears to be in something of a weak bargaining position, given the financial turmoil at the club, Al-Hasawi is sticking to a list of demands from any potential buyer that many experts feel is prohibitive.

FourFourTwo.com can reveal that Al-Hasawi is now willing to sell 100% of Nottingham Forest but will insist on retaining the name ‘Nottingham Forest’, which he intends to add to his own name.

Stipulations

Al-Hasawi will also demand the right to veto any possible transfers, hire and fire managers, give press conferences and live in the City Ground, although he has pledged not to hang out washing on matchdays.

“I just want what’s best for the club going forward,” Fawaz Nottingham Forest Al-Hasawi told FourFourTwo.

“Any prospective owner shouldn’t be put off by having my involvement, whether that’s negotiating a loan deal or tending my vegetable patch which will be planted in the technical area next to the home bench.

“I think whoever comes in to take over the club will be desperate for my invaluable insight into how I’ve navigated the club to this glorious position anyway.

“I, for one, believe that a picture of my face right in the centre of the Forest kit adds a touch of class.”

At the time of publication, Al-Hasawi is said to be in talks with a ‘very interested party’, but sources suggest the proposal is from a logging company who mistakenly believe the club to be an actual Forest which they can pillage literally, instead of metaphorically.

Please note: This satirical news story is not real. Obviously.

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