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The Arsenal equation: two matches + two defeats + zero goals = booooooo

<span>Photograph: Javier García/Shutterstock</span>
Photograph: Javier García/Shutterstock

18 AND LIFE TO GO

In 1931 Manchester United were relegated after finishing bottom of the league and, much more remarkably, Arsenal finished top. That was the first time that the artistes formerly known as Woolwich were crowned champions of England. Since it came 45 years after the club’s foundation, the Gunners’ current run of 17 years without a league title isn’t so bad. A comforting thought there for Arsenal fans.

And here’s an even more encouraging perspective: the greatest days in Arsenal’s history – Ray Kennedy scoring at White Hart Lane to clinch the first part of the Double in 1971, and Michael Thomas’s glorious winner at Anfield in 1989 – came after title droughts that had lasted exactly 18 years. So it stands to reason that the next 18-year title drought will also culminate in a sensational triumph. Which means that Mikel Arteta’s men boys are scheduled to lift the Premier League trophy in 2022. There’s your maths of the day, reader! Get your money down now. And bearing in mind how the careers of Kennedy and Thomas panned out, you can also expect to see Calum Chambers starring for Liverpool next season. Sorry, Trent, fate can be a cruel mistress.

Related: What is the point of Arsenal? – Football Weekly

Some things just can’t be denied. Arsenal have approximately 17 right-backs and are today being linked with a move for another one, Kieran Trippier, so the chances are that if anyone is to score a dramatic title-clinching goal for Arsenal this season, it’ll be a right-back. Again, it’s all about the maths. And also about overlooking the current equation, which reads: two matches + two defeats + zero goals = booooooooooooooooooooo.

But if Arsenal do sign Trippier or anyone else before the current transfer window is boarded up, then that will mean Arteta will have been given even more new players in a summer in which Arsenal have already been the biggest Premier League spenders. If Stan Kroenke has actually been told about this, then it’s fair to assume that Arteta will also be given enough time to turn all those players into a team that can win. Some reports claim Arteta’s employer will trust his process for at least another couple of months, leaving the manager free to concentrate on the task to hand. Which, as it happens, is a trip to West Brom for Wednesday’s Milk Cup tie and a date with Darnell Furlong’s mighty throw-ins. Uh-oh …

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Daniel Harris for live coverage of Tuesday’s bumper Milk Cup second-round programme, all kicking off at 7pm (BST).

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It’s David Squires on the latest Premier League action, featuring Harry Kane’s transfer saga, Michail Antonio’s self-love and much more.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“We finally got the team kit badged and ready to go. We also managed to locate 2,000 cans of Foster’s, so immediately dispatched someone to load these into a van … unfortunately, the new chef was not up to standard, so we decided to close the bar.” – Barnet chairman Tony Kleanthous reveals the club’s turbulent pre-game plans for the visit of Notts County last weekend.

FIVER LETTERS

“I haven’t listened to the latest Football Weekly yet, but as an Arsenal fan, I’ve often wondered myself what the point of them is. After long thought, I’ve decided that they exist to bring joy to the supporters of other teams. This is a small comfort, but better than nothing (probably). You’re welcome in advance, City fans” – Edward Dean.

“May I be the first of 1,057 French pedants to point out that ‘the Parisienne Globetrotters’ [Monday’s Fiver] features a hat-trick of French mistakes. “Parisienne” is the singular and feminine form of the adjective, and the capital P is wrong for the adjective in French [Several lines cut for space – Fiver Ed]. I would assign you to write “STOPPONS LE FOOT” 100 times as punishment, but you would just cut and paste it” – Pierre Igot (and no other pédants français).

“Poor Pablo Marí. In just one edition of Big Paper he’s compared to dandruff, leaves, dust and sand. In another context that sort of comparison might lend itself to wistful musings about the temporal nature of existence itself, rather than an inability to mix it with a big lad up front” – Nick Kinsella.

“I’d like to assure the apparently innocent, youthful Fiver that, on the contrary, the wet weekends at Pontins were the interesting ones” – Stephen Bennett.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Stephen Bennett.

Prizes return on Wednesday, and we have three copies of Underground, Overground: The Fault Lines of Football Clubs by Andi Thomas to give away, so get scribbling. You can read an extract from the book here.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

The Football Weekly podders take a dip into the mailbag and answer listeners’ questions – including a welcome contribution to The Fiver’s STOPPONS LE FOOT campaign.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Wigan Athletic have written to their fellow League One clubs, advising they will face FA charges if their fans direct abuse towards James McClean.

The Denmark captain, Simon Kjær, and the medical staff who helped save Christian Eriksen’s life at Euro 2020 are to receive the 2021 Uefa President’s Award.

Teenage defender Thierry Small has left Everton to join Southampton on a three-year deal. “It’s an unbelievable feeling,” Small chirped. “A big moment for me and my family. It’s an honour to be here.”

Newcastle goalkeeper Martin Dubravka will be out for another eight weeks with foot-knack, manager Steve Bruce has said. “There is no time limit but we are hoping in eight weeks, maybe,” Bruce moaned.

Andy Robertson has signed on the dotted line, extending his Liverpool contract until 2026. “My family are settled here, we love everything about this football club and I’m glad that the journey is continuing,” he cheered.

Steve Clarke has celebrated his shiny new Scotland contract by naming his squad for their upcoming Human Rights World Cup qualifiers against Denmark, Moldova and Austria. Full squad: Zander Clark (St Johnstone), Craig Gordon (Hearts), Liam Kelly (Motherwell); Liam Cooper (Leeds), Declan Gallagher (Aberdeen), Grant Hanley (Norwich), Jack Hendry (Ostend), Scott McKenna (Nottingham Forest), Stephen O’Donnell (Motherwell), Nathan Patterson (Pope’s O’Rangers), Shortbread McFiver (Fiver FC), Andy Robertson (Liverpool), Greg Taylor (Queen’s Celtic), Kieran Tierney (Arsenal), Stuart Armstrong (Southampton), Lewis Ferguson (Aberdeen), Billy Gilmour (Norwich), John McGinn (Aston Villa), Callum McGregor (Celtic), Kenny McLean (Norwich), David Turnbull (Celtic); Che Adams (Southampton), Ryan Christie (Celtic), Lyndon Dykes (QPR), Ryan Fraser (Newcastle), James Forrest (Celtic), Kevin Nisbet (Hibernian).

Robert Page has also announced his Wales squad for their upcoming qualifiers against Belarus and Estonia. Here it is: Wayne Hennessey (Burnley), Daniel Ward (Leicester), Adam Davies (Stoke); Chris Gunter (Charlton), Ben Davies (Tottenham), Ethan Ampadu (Chelsea), Chris Mepham (Bournemouth), Joe Rodon (Tottenham), Neco Williams (Liverpool), Tom Lockyer (Luton), James Lawrence (St Pauli), Rhys Norrington-Davies (Sheffield United); Aaron Ramsey (Juventus), Joe Allen (Stoke), Jonny Williams (Swindon), Llanfair PG Fiver (Fiver FC), Harry Wilson (Fulham), David Brooks (Bournemouth), Joe Morrell (Portsmouth), Matthew Smith (Hull), Dylan Levitt (Dundee United), George Thomas (QPR), Rubin Colwill (Cardiff); Brennan Johnson (Nottingham Forest), Gareth Bale (Real Madrid), Daniel James (Manchester United), Kieffer Moore (Cardiff), Tyler Roberts (Leeds).

And Sergio Pellissier, Chievo Verona’s former captain and record goalscorer, has started his own phoenix club, FC Chievo 1929, after the former Serie A side went out of business this summer.

STILL WANT MORE?

It’s a ruddy big day in the Fizzy Drink Cup for Barrow, as Ben Fisher explains.

The fans are finally back in La Liga, writes Sid Lowe as he wipes a tear from his eye.

Atlético Madrid fans returned to the Wanda Metropolitano at the weekend.
Atlético Madrid fans returned to the Wanda Metropolitano at the weekend. Photograph: Oscar J Barroso/Shutterstock

Is Richarlison good enough to replace Kylian Mbappé? PSG are certainly hoping so, according to today’s Rumour Mill.

Catch up with the latest moves in our women’s and men’s transfer interactives.

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