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How becoming a dad helped convince Sean McVay to remain Rams head coach
After the Rams hired Sean McVay in 2017, general manager Les Snead was eager to see the 30-year-old’s coaching process at work.
During McVay’s first seven seasons, Snead often observed McVay in the coach’s office, busily scheming plays. Reading motivational books. Meeting with coaches, players and team executives.
So Snead was shocked last August when he witnessed something totally unexpected: McVay making faces and cooing baby talk on a video call.
“Of all the things I thought I would see Sean McVay do,” Snead said, “that was not on the list.”
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On Oct. 24, 2023, McVay and wife Veronika welcomed a newborn son, Jordan John McVay. It was the latest personal milestone for McVay, who became the youngest coach in modern NFL history when owner Stan Kroenke signed off on him. NFL fans have watched McVay literally grow up on the sideline while leading the Rams to five playoff appearances, two Super Bowls and a championship to end the 2021 season.
McVay, 38, also has come of age off the field. McVay and Veronika married in June 2022. The next season, as the Rams and McVay suffered through the worst Super Bowl hangover in history, McVay contemplated stepping away from coaching. But the impending birth of his son, and the opportunity to serve as an example of persevering through hard times, factored into his decision to return.
Being a husband, and a father to Jordan, McVay said, has given him “real purpose” off the field.
Also on it. “I definitely think it does make you a better coach,” he said.
At the 2017 NFL owners meetings, a reporter asked Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll how he thought McVay would fare with the Rams. Carroll, a grandfather well into his third stint as an NFL coach, said there was no question that the bright and knowledgeable McVay would excel.
The challenges, Carroll noted, might come off the field because nearly all NFL coaches start families as college or pro assistants, before they ascend to the top job. McVay would navigate that path with the weight of an entire pro football organization on his shoulders.
One year into fatherhood, McVay is managing fine.
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“I’m still getting a good amount of sleep,” the notoriously early riser quipped.
McVay said his late grandfather John, a former NFL coach and longtime executive for the San Francisco 49ers, his father, Tim, and uncles Jim and John set great examples as fathers and mentors. So did former Rams defensive coordinator Raheem Morris, other current and former assistants and players such as former Rams offensive lineman Andrew Whitworth.
“The way that they lead their families is unbelievable to me,” McVay said.
Morris, now the coach of the Atlanta Falcons, became a father in 2010 before his second season as coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Morris, who worked with McVay at Tampa Bay and also in Washington before joining McVay’s Rams staff in 2021, often told him that becoming a father changes what happens when coaches cross the threshold of their home or greet family after a game.
“You’re teaching your kids a lesson from that point on,” said Morris, who has three children. “Even when they’re at Jordan’s age, and you come in the house and you see those eyes looking at you, it’s a different deal.
“You realize why you’re doing it and what you’re doing it for. And everything else is secondary when you look at those kids in that moment.”
Whitworth, a father of four, signed with the Rams in 2017 and played until 2021, when he was 40. Being a father has provided the obsessively goal-oriented McVay something new to “chase,” Whitworth said.
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“He’s got a chance to look at Jordan every day and look at Veronika and say, ‘I would love to freak out about how practice went today, I would love to freak out about where we are as a team right now — that’s normally what I would do,’” said Whitworth, now a broadcaster for Amazon Prime. “‘But in this moment, I’m going to put Jordan in my lap and I’m going to have some perspective. … This is my priority and I want to be great at it.’”
McVay and Veronika, who was born in Ukraine, met when McVay was an assistant in Washington and she was a student at George Mason University in Virginia. McVay spoke often about wanting to become a father, but actually becoming one “transformed” him in meaningful ways, amplifying qualities he already possessed, Veronika said. He is now more patient, empathetic, thoughtful and compassionate at home and at work, she said.
“He prioritizes quality family time and being fully present even when he has those long days at the facility,” said Veronika, a real estate agent. “He’s just so excited to come home and see our little man. And Jordan always can put a smile on his face even on those toughest days.”
In the offseason, McVay made it a point to be home in time to help put Jordan to bed. During the season, it is more of a challenge, but Friday nights and breakfast before home games are set aside for family time. And fatherly duties such as changing diapers.
“The things that he really cherishes in his life, the things that he loves — they’re not all in one basket anymore.”
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“I’ve had some moments where I’m holding him, and you look down and you’re like, ‘OK, how did that end up on me?’” McVay said, laughing. “I get down and dirty with that.”
McVay also prioritizes being present when working from his home office.
“He comes in and out and says, ‘I need a mental break,’” Veronika said.
Still, football is never too far from his mind.
“Whenever he’s got an idea in his head, he’ll say, ‘I have to run back in there. I’ll be right back,’” she said, laughing.
McVay’s parents see similarities in their son and grandson. McVay’s habit of being in constant motion dates to his childhood.
“He was a busy guy,” his father said.
So is Jordan, who often chases McVay in a rolling baby walker.
“He’s very active like Sean, but he’s very chill like Veronika,” said McVay’s mother, Cindy, who paused a beat before laughing and adding, “And Sean was never chill.”
In 2022, as the Rams stumbled to a 5-12 record, Rams executives watched McVay struggle to navigate the team’s faltering play. Afterward, with broadcast networks beckoning, McVay pondered taking a break from coaching. His son’s impending arrival led him to reconsider.
“I never would have been able to look at him and say, ‘You know, when tough times hit, you push through it and grow from adversity,’” McVay said. “If I had run away from it, it would be, ‘Do as I say, not as I did.’”
Last season the Rams started 3-6 but McVay kept himself together. Jordan was born in the midst of the team’s second-half turnaround that resulted in a 10-7 record and a playoff berth.
Fatherhood helped McVay balance that “kind of maniacal” sense that also makes him a great coach, Rams president Kevin Demoff said.
“For someone who’s always searched for balance,” Demoff said, “this helps provide it in a much more natural way without searching.”
Defensive coordinator Chris Shula has known McVay since they were college teammates at Miami of Ohio. They have coached together since 2017. McVay was always great around kids, said Shula, the father of two. But he did not have a true concept of fatherhood and taking care of a baby until he began to go through it himself.
“He’s still getting here at 3 in the morning, so I don’t think it’s changed anything with the work ethic or the motivation,” Shula said. “But I think just the internal joy and doing it for others, I think that’s really what you see.”
There also is external joy.
“When he gets that picture texted to him or he’s on Facetime,” said offensive coordinator Mike LaFleur, a father of two, “it just instantly lights him up.”
McVay’s enthusiasm while sharing video of his son apparently rivals his excitement when evaluating and discussing a top draft prospect.
“He loves being able to say, ‘Look how wired this guy is!’” Snead said. “‘Look how alert he is. Look how intense, urgent, enthusiastic and passionate he is.’ It’s really cool.”
Throughout the first 15 years of his coaching career, McVay saw players not only as highly skilled athletes but also as developing men from a variety of backgrounds. His view further evolved when he became a father, Veronika said.
“He sees them as young people who are navigating their own struggles and triumphs,” she said, “and he understands now in a way that only a parent can, that each kid out there has their own story and needs support in their unique ways.”
Rams players, many of them also young fathers, noted subtle changes in McVay since he became a parent.
“Something about his energy,” said safety John Johnson III, a father of a son. “His spirit is kind of different, kind of like he’s doing this for somebody, like he has more purpose. I kind of feel that vibe.”
McVay still pulls players aside for chats about their roles. Or their assignments on the field. But now children also come into play.
“I’m much more inclined to ask about those things,” McVay said, “because I’m now that dad showing the pictures and videos.”
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Quarterback Matthew Stafford, a father to four girls, said “it’s football all the time” when the Rams are at work preparing for the season or opponents. But there’s also time to pause.
“You can tell a story here or there of, ‘Hey, Tuesday afternoon I was playing goalie at my girls’ soccer practice … and my girls were yelling at me because I was afraid of the ball or something,’” Stafford said. “His son isn’t old enough to quite do some of those things, but I know he enjoys sharing stories back on what’s going on at home, which is cool to see.”
Receiver Cooper Kupp began his Rams career the same year as McVay. Kupp, a father of three, said there is no mystery why McVay enthusiastically shares fatherhood experiences.
“The things that he really cherishes in his life, the things that he loves — they’re not all in one basket anymore,” Kupp said, adding, “That helps give you perspective, and levels you out a little bit.”
Players who do not yet have children also have heard McVay weave fatherhood into his coaching role. Occasionally, he references lessons passed down to him by his father.
“He’ll kind of mention like, ‘My dad used to say …’” defensive lineman Kobie Turner said. “He takes a lot of what he’s learned from real life and what it seems like he learned from his father and applies it.
“He often tries to relate to the guys in the room and talk about how he’s trying to be the best version of himself, not only for us as a team but also like, he’s a dad now.”
Last month McVay reached another milestone. The Rams defeated the Minnesota Vikings at SoFi Stadium to give McVay his 80th victory, moving him past the late John Robinson as the winningest coach in Rams history.
McVay achieved the feat on his son’s first birthday.
“That was the coolest,” McVay said, “and felt like a little God-wink right there for you. That was pretty special.”
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McVay’s parents said it also has been special to watch their son grow.
“For being so hard charging and driven, I believe he’s worked even harder on taking care of himself for this,” Tim said. “And that makes him a better overall dude at the office and in coaching.”
And at home.
Watching her husband embrace fatherhood has been “a gift,” Veronika said.
“It’s changed his perspective on some things in the best way possible,” she said, “and I think he’ll just keep growing from that.”
The McVays know there will be challenges ahead. As children get older, so do their opportunities for activities in sports, music and other areas.
Cindy McVay speaks from experience.
“He’s going to have to figure out some things when Jordan starts his own sports,” she said. “You really don’t want to miss that kind of stuff, so that’s all going to be kind of a learning thing.”
McVay is not looking too far ahead. Whether asked about his personal situation or his team’s chances of making the playoffs, he often speaks about “being where your feet are.”
McVay’s are happily planted with his wife and son.
“It’s a love you can never know,” he said, “until you have it.”
This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.
