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Bluffer’s Guide To The Weekend: The race to Euro 2016 takes centre stage as Wayne Rooney prepares to be a record-breaker

The Premier League takes a break this weekend to allow many of the players to represent their countries and – since we are still a long way from the serious end of the season – many of them will do so without succumbing to mysterious manager-placating tweaks and twinges.

All of what used to be termed the Home Nations are still in with a decent crack at qualifying for the finals of Euro 2016, and the Republic of Ireland are far from entirely out of it. Wales are perhaps the most surprising group leaders, a statistic largely accounted for by the regular presence of Gareth Bale, who has scored six times in their first seven qualifiers including in Thursday night’s win over Cyprus. He has played a part - scoring or assisting - in eight of the nine Welsh goals.

The Principality – currently enjoying their highest-ever FIFA ranking of ninth, host Israel on Sunday, when victory could see them on the brink of qualification for their first major tournament in 58 years.

England are also on top of their group, but their match against San Marino on Saturday offers the possibility of individual rather than collective milestones.
England’s record against the Italian-enclosed minnows is not entirely unblemished.

Every serious bluffer should know that the only goal San Marino have ever scored against them, Davide Gualtieri’s opportunistic effort in Bologna, is also the fastest goal ever scored in a World Cup match (qualifiers and finals). Gualtieri, now a computer salesman in his minuscule homeland, intercepted Stuart Pearce’s backpass and popped the ball past David Seaman just 8.3 seconds into the November 1993 fixture.

But England have retaliated with 31 goals of their own, and these fixtures traditionally offer an opportunity for strikers in the Three Lions kit to fill their boots.

Wayne Rooney has a particular reason to wish to take advantage this weekend. With 48 international goals to his name, the England captain is tied with Gary Lineker on the all-time England scorers’ list, one goal behind Sir Bobby Charlton’s record.

He is also on 105 appearances, one behind Sir Bobby’s total of 106. Mathematical bluffers will have seized on the chance of statistical gold this offers: if Rooney scores once against San Marino he will temporarily (one hopes) match the senior Manchester United legend’s total of England goals and appearances and thus (for uber-bluffer’s only), his international goal average, of 0.4623.

Rooney may have greater ambitions, and the figure he and, perhaps, Harry Kane might be aiming at is the most goals scored by an England player in a single match, which is generally agreed by most veteran bluffers to be seven, notched by Stanley Harris of the Corinthians, who was also England’s captain, in the nation’s first ever competitive international fixture, a 15-0 defeat of France in 1906.

Quibblers may protest that this was an amateur international – bluffers should quash any such argument with the fact that the French football authorities count it as a full international, so there.

Sunday’s other bluffworthy event also has something in common with San Marino. The Italian Grand Prix at Monza is these days Italy’s only Formula One event, but for many years the Ferrari-crazed Italians also had another Formula One race – the San Marino Grand Prix, held not in little nation itself but as close as could be at Imola.

Now only Monza remains to keep the tifosi sated, but the old track in the royal park has bucketloads of bluffable heritage to go with it.

This weekend’s event will be the 65th Grand Prix that the track has hosted, more than any other venue, and it is also the fastest circuit on the current F1 calendar, with a lap record set by Rubens Barrichello in 2004 of 1m 21.046s, an average speed of 159 mph.

That will not be challenged this weekend – the drivers will be too busy managing their technology – but a sizeable footnote in the history books could be achieved by Sebastian Vettel. If the German wins for Ferrari, (a) he will never need to buy another drink in Italy, but also, (b) bluffably, he will have triumphed at Monza with three different teams (Toro Rosso, Red Bull, Ferrari) a feat previously only achieved by Stirling Moss (Maserati, Vanwall and Rob Walker Racing).

Kimi Raikkonen would love to prevent this, not only because he is Vettel’s team-mate but also because while he has qualified on pole at Monza (in 2006), led 26 laps there and set fastest lap in 2005, 2006 and 2008, he has never been first past the chequered flag.

Favourite to stymie both Ferrari drivers and his team-mate will be Lewis Hamilton, who may like to be reminded by a lurking bluffer that the victor at Monza has gone on to win the world championship in three of the last four years. To preserve his peace of mind, however, do not point out that Hamilton would be the first back-to-back winner at Monza since Damon Hill in 1993/94.