BLUFFERS GUIDE TO THE WEEKEND - Straws to clutch in the scrum, a boost for Jurgen Klopp and sweaty Cherries

Bluffer guides us through the weekend essentials including Rugby World Cup quarter-finals, Premier League football and a spot of taekwondo.

The Rugby World Cup quarter-finals are upon us, and bluffers native and visiting will wish to have raw material at their command – so let us rumble like a rolling maul through the relevant stats.

The prospects for Wales against South Africa in the first of the quarter-finals on Saturday are grim in broadly historical terms, since they have won only two of their 30 international contests against the Springboks. However, Welsh bluffers will confidently declare that one of those two triumphs was in the most recent match, which also took place on British turf (albeit in Cardiff rather than at Twickenham).

There is another intriguing little peculiarity in the records - or straw to clutch, depending on your point of view - which is that Wales are convincingly better with the boot, having notched 70 penalties in matches against South Africa to their opponents’ 61, and popped over four drop goals against two.

Kilted bluffers will wish to know that Scotland’s prospects against Australia are brighter still, despite the Wallabies having already clobbered both England and Wales in this tournament. The Scots have won nine of their previous 28 games against Australia, losing 19, and honours in the five matches in the last decade are near enough even at 3-2 in the Antipodeans’ favour.

But it is Ireland who undoubtedly have the best chance of securing local representation in the semi-finals, and while the National Records Office in Dublin has been flat-out this week fielding enquiries about Irish ancestry from English rugby fans it is fair to expect that even those English fans with no trace of green in their blood are unlikely to be rooting for their opponents, Argentina, in Cardiff.

The Irish have been cruelly hit by injuries in this most physical of tournaments but that stats are on their side: they have won precisely two-thirds of their 15 contests against Argentina - and all of the last five.

Back in the world of the round ball, most of the attention will be directed at White Hart Lane, where Tottenham Hotspur host Liverpool and their newly installed and much-heralded manager Jurgen Klopp.

It is perhaps a little unfair that the visitors should dominate the headlines in advance of the game since Spurs’ recent home form has been tremendous and their fans will be eagerly awaiting an encore to the 4-1 spanking they inflicted on the league leaders, Manchester City, last time out. They have also beaten the otherwise fearless Crystal Palace and are, bluffers will wish to point out, the only Premier League team not to have lost since the opening weekend. Furthermore, Spurs fans will be keen to stress, Liverpool have won only one of their last nine Premier League away fixtures.

However, if Herr Klopp is as fluent in the language of bluff as he is in English, he will no doubt counter that Liverpool are on a terrific run against Spurs, having won their last five consecutive matches against these opponents, the first time they have racked up such a sequence since 1976, when Jurgen was but nine years old and dreaming of Bundesliga glory.

Everton currently hold the bragging rights beside the Mersey, sitting three places above Liverpool in the table, and they can vault higher if they record what would be their fourth consecutive win against Manchester United.

Everton and United obviously have much in common in both managerial and playing terms, with former Toffees manager David Moyes’ stint in charge at Old Trafford still a painful memory for all concerned while Wayne Rooney could justifiably be named the famous recent player at both clubs.

It may be pleasantly stimulating challenge for Evertonians and Red Devils – and neutral bluffers – to attempt to assemble an XI of Premier League players who have represented both teams. Cover the next paragraph to start from scratch, or use it as the basis for debate…

Rooney, Maraoune Fellaini, Tim Howard, Phil Neville, Darron Gibson, Mark Hughes, Jesper Blomqvist, Andrei Kanchelskis, Louis Saha, John O’Kane and… how about Peter Beardsley?

Bluffers of all hues can have hours of fun debating that line-up – it is at the very least positionally suspect – and compiling similar squads of the double or multiple representatives.

Meanwhile a little statistical diversion for bluffers who appreciate honest effort. AFC Bournemouth have made a respectable start to their first season in the Premier League and one of the reasons for that is the sheer effort of their players. Three Cherries sounds like a fruit machine payout, but is in fact the number of Bournemouth players who feature in the top five statistics for distance covered in matches this season. Dan Gosling has the record for ground covered in a single match, cantering 13.8 kilometres against Sunderland - or just about the distance from Bournemouth to Harry Redknapp’s mansion in Poole and back.

Enough balls? Consider instead the international Taekwondo Grand Prix, which kicks into life in Manchester this weekend. For a lightning bluff: the city has hosted the Grand Prix more often than any other venue (this will be the third visit), and the British squad, led by Olympic gold medallist Jade Jones, have won at least one medal at each of the seven Grands Prix held so far.