Yahoo Sport 
A certain amount of interest in Leo Messi, even on a slow news day
ANOTHER FINE MESSI
Given that he’s (perhaps) the greatest player in the history of (perhaps) the greatest club in the history of (perhaps) the greatest game, a certain amount of interest in Lionel Messi is to be expected, even on a slow day. By way of illustration in the last 12 months Britain’s national newspapers have published – counting only print editions rather than their websites, which as you are currently discovering will run any old nonsense – 2,472 articles mentioning the Argentinian wizard, at the rate of very nearly seven a day. So Messi sure is a hard man to avoid, and now more than ever, as rumours swirl of an imminent move to somewhere and the possibility of barristers bickering about Barcelona-bothering burofaxes.
Related: Lionel Messi: Barcelona future 'difficult', admits player's father and agent
It seems everyone who writes about, reads about or has ever glanced at a football knows something about the transfer that could set the entire world of sport ablaze. Except one person. On Wednesday afternoon the Spanish TV channel Cuatro managed to track down and secure an exclusive interview with the one vaguely football-conscious person who knows absolutely nothing about the situation whatsoever. To be fair, he had been away, so maybe he’d missed all the press coverage. They caught him on his way out of an airport, unbriefed and unprepared, stuck a microphone under his nose and asked them to tell them absolutely everything he could think of about the deal. “No se nada, muchachos,” he protested. They had found him. The man who knew nothing.
His name was Jorge Messi. He is the father and Mr 15% of Lionel Messi.
With a bit of time to think about it, it was possible to identify certain crucial feasibility issues in Messi Sr’s declaration of ignorance. So the intrepid hacks tracked him across Barcelona, where they finally caught him emerging from his car outside a restaurant. Now was the chance to get to the bottom of this fast-breaking story. Out once again came the microphones. There might only be time for one question, so they had to choose it carefully. But there was so little time to think! Just ask something, dammit. The man with the microphone opened his mouth, and the words tumbled out. “Are you going to meet with Bartomeu?” he asked, referencing the Barcelona president. Not bad! “Yeah, really good mate,” said Messi. Gah, he can’t have spoken clearly enough! OK, quick, another. “Vas a comer?” – are you going to get something to eat? “Si,” responded Messi Sr. Yes. That was indeed why he was walking into a restaurant. And with that, he walked into the restaurant.
Sometimes journalism is all about persistence, and Cuatro certainly have that. Finally they skewered Messi Sr as he entered a multi-storey car-park, securing 30 seconds or so of quality interrogation. “Is Leo leaving Barcelona or what?” they asked. “I don’t know.” “Would Manchester City be a good option?” “I don’t know. I’ve got nothing.” So, in short and to summarise, an update for British newspaper editors: significant advances in this developing story, hold the back page.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It’s a fantastic gesture what Jamie has done, trying to raise funds for the club, for the Save Our Club campaign, and I’m sure any Wigan fan would have done the same. It’s his medal, he worked hard for it. It felt like the right thing to do” – Latics supporter Mark Holdsworth, who won Jamie Jones’ League One winners’ medal in a raffle, returns the prize to the goalkeeper. A gent.
👏🙌 What a gesture!
Wigan fan Mark Holdsworth, who had won goalkeeper Jamie Jones' League One winners medal in a fundraising raffle, has handed it back to him as a token of appreciation for his efforts in trying to save the club.
More: https://t.co/zLbbnGhkTT pic.twitter.com/Qc7Mdf9gJV— Sky Sports (@SkySports) September 1, 2020
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Get your ears around the latest Football Weekly podcast.
FIVER LETTERS
“I have no idea what a burofax is (Fiver letters passim), but I am going to just assume that it is a donkey with a fax machine strapped to its back” – Dan Davis.
“I’m shocked that David Squires is comparing football to Seinfeld (yesterday’s Recommended Looking). Just because the season dribbled to a watery conclusion doesn’t make it a show about nothing. Lord Ferg will tell you there’s no noisy neighbour helping himself to all your stuff. There’s no angry bald man looking at his hairline and cursing the gods, right Pep? Just because stadiums were selling Big Salads and telling fans ‘no soup for you!’, that doesn’t mean there was a contest that left everyone unsatisfied. And physios weren’t dashing towards knacked players before deciding who was spongeworthy. Just ask Yada-Yaya Touré. Now, I’m off to dig a hole in the woods and sit in it” – Mark McFadden.
“There were 155 FA Cup extra preliminary round matches on Tuesday night, a fact which I find comforting and curiously uplifting in these disturbing times. Interesting that the BBC chose to show Maine Road v Squires Gate. Is this a strange tribute to your esteemed illustrator? I rather hope so. Squires Gate won 5-0” – Philip Gibbs [presumably everything will fold in on itself should his cartoon focus on a future scandal involving the club – Fiver Ed].
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Mark McFadden.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Three PSG players, as yet officially unnamed, have tested positive for coronavirus.
Chelsea’s spending spree continues apace, this time with Pernille Harder arriving from Wolfsburg for a fee understood to be a world record in the women’s game. “The English league, it’s so exciting at the moment and I’m really looking forward to it,” she cheered.
West Brom want to upgrade Grady Diangana’s loan into a permanent move and think a deal that could rise to £18m will twist West Ham’s arm.
Shane Duffy has joined the Queen’s Celtic on a season-long loan from Brighton. “I don’t need a reason to go to [the Queen’s] Celtic but if there ever was one it’s this season and the chance to make history,” he roared.
Premier League clubs remain split over the use of five substitutes for the coming season, between the have-absolutely-loads and haves.
And boyhood coaching fan Robbie Keane says he’s turned down offers as he waits for the right gig to come his way. “I’m certainly in no rush, I’m not desperate,” he cooed. “It has to be the right fit, it has to be the right opportunity.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Premier League 2020-21 previews: Crystal Palace’s season will be a tale of Eberechi Eze and what happens to Wilfried Zaha, while Chelsea’s spending has not answered their defensive weaknesses.
Ivan Rakitic’s return to Sevilla is not quite a tale of the prodigal son, writes Sid Lowe.
Back in the Football League after 48 years and under the new management of rabona specialist David Dunn, Ben Fisher profiles ‘Barrowcelona’.
Which nu-metal/punk/emo band and German rock legends sponsor minor clubs? Plus the highs and lows of Ryan Bertrand. All in this week’s Knowledge.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
