After an open letter addressed to the next player to debut for England’s Test team was spread around social media, one cricket writer decided to take a red pen to it.
The piece is called Dear 677 because 676 men have so far played Test cricket for England, but ESPNcricinfo’s UK editor Andrew Miller was not impressed with its grammar or its sentiments.
The more I think about this execrable pile of ill-punctuated, cliché-ridden whimsy, the more it enrages me. "Content" is not "literature" pic.twitter.com/TVHo8x8QZn
— Andrew Miller (@miller_cricket) May 4, 2017
“Forget what you’ve done before” is met with the annotation: “No, seriously, don’t,” while other additions to the letter include “How will Test caps win T20s?”, “See me” and “HYPHENS!”
It’s safe to say other social media users weren’t all that impressed either.
@miller_cricket Lines 4-9 don't do a lot to discourage the impression that the England dressing room can be a cliquish environment
— Simon (@simonk_133) May 4, 2017
“Forget what you’ve done before, none of it matters,” seems a little harsh on 677′s first day.
Meanwhile, others felt that the message could do with simplifying.
@miller_cricket This sucks. I would have preferred something simpler like " score runs , take wickets and above all hold your bloody catches"
— shyam (@shyam__bala) May 4, 2017
The letter was in fact a script for an advert with New Balance, who are the team’s new kit manufacturer, and it does arguably sound better out loud.
Still – the written version remains funny.
The “never ending (sic) flight of stairs to success” sounds pretty tiring. We’re going to give it a miss if you don’t mind.