What Did We Learn From Spurs' Loss to Juventus in Melbourne

I see you’ve played knifey-spoony before…

So, The Great Australian Adventure continues. For those of you with bosses who disapprove of watching meaningless friendlies on covertly-positioned smart phones during office hours— here’s everything you need to know about Spurs’ International Champions Cup defeat against Juventus at the Melbourne Cricket Ground yesterday. Because that’s definitely a thing now.

*Before the game, Spurs’ official Twitter account posted a brief video of new signing, Victor Wanyama, involved in a routine passing drill. It’s probably nothing that the Kenyan managed to scuff every single attempt at finding a teammate, but it wasn’t exactly encouraging. Should they sell him immediately, just to be on the safe side? Maybe hold off for a minute yet.

*Happily when the contest actually started, it soon became clear that we were dealing with a pretty formidable proposition. Wanyama drove headlong through Juventus’ lines with real purpose and it was his interception that made Lamela’s consolation goal possible.

*Talking of Lamela. I know it’s winter in Australia right now and the fixture was being held at night— so maybe the weather was a little inclement. But something about wearing gloves in Melbourne seems…unholy. Like sporting a bow-tie in court. Questionable hand apparel aside, the young Argentine’s second-half cameo was game changing and by some distance, he was Spurs’ best player.

*Remember reading about that natural gas crater in Turkmenistan? A large angry hole in the Karakum Desert that’s been burning since the seventies. The Door to Hell, as it became known. Well, there. That’s where Dominic Ball will want to dispose of his opening half against Juventus.

*Following an anaemic touch which lead to their first goal, the Turin side quickly realised their best route to victory was to squeeze Spurs’ inexperienced centre-back pairing. Cameron Carter-Vickers, Ball’s partner in football crimes, didn’t fare much better. In fact all three of Tottenham’s young defenders struggled to varying degrees. It’ll have been character building, if nothing else.

*Spurs’ other new signing, Vincent Janssen, had a mixed evening. The Dutch striker was rendered almost anonymous in the first-half by a scandalous lack of service. Made a number of intelligent runs but, sadly, no-one was capable of finding him. Declared after the game that it was a privilege to make his debut for the North London club but I think he was just being nice. For the opening forty-five minutes, at least, it looked excruciating.

*There were a few eye-catching performances from Tottenham’s Development Squad— Harry Winks looks an effervescent sort and Shayon Harrison is clearly full of talent— but one name stood out above all else. Marcus Edwards. We need to be careful…he’s only 17, said Mauricio Pochettino after the game, imploring us not to get too carried away when praising the new Messi-Maradona super hybrid and future multiple Ballon d'Or winner.

What?