I am Malenia, Blade of Miquella. Six words any Elden Ring player has burned into their frontal cortex by this point—like a Sekiro boss that accidentally stumbled into Elden Ring, this fight was so obscenely difficult that it spawned an entire genre of pot-wearing heroes. Well, now you can fight her in D&D.
This stat block was created by Dan Dillon (thanks, Dicebreaker) a former designer for D&D who was caught in the historic wave of Hasbro layoffs late last year. Before that, he was cooking up monsters, encounters, and adventures with the company for four years—so this isn't some flimsy homebrew that cracks under inspection. The man's resume speaks for itself.
"A little something I've been tinkering for fun," he writes on Twitter, as if he's forgotten of the horrors of the Waterfowl Dance, before introducing a "Stat block for a two-phase #dnd fight using the Mythic monster framework."
The Mythic Monster framework was introduced in 2020's Mythic Odysseys of Theros. To simplify it, a mythic monster is a monster that has a second phase when it drops to zero hit points. Once that happens, it gains a whole new host of abilities—as anyone who remembers Malenia's second form is likely realising, it's a perfect fit.
The stat block itself is absolutely brutal. Malenia is, appropriately, a CR 21 monster (meaning she's a challenge for a party of four max-level players). She has five legendary resistances, whereas a lot of D&D monsters only come with three—and they reset once she enters her second phase.
She has an area-of-effect rot aura that permanently curses enemies with the Poisoned condition, dealing damage at the start of their turns. And—yes, she has the Waterfowl Dance, a recharging ability she can use alongside two other entire horrifying attacks on her turns.
This version even has that damned grab attack, triggered if you miss her—and while she doesn't impale you in much the same way, she does knock you prone, which will give her advantage on her next three attacks against you if you don't get back on your feet before her turn swings around. Savage.
Just to do some quick back-of-the-napkin maths: assuming she's got you all in range of her attacks during her first phase, and everything she can use is available to her, this version of Melania can deal a whopping total of 257 combined damage on average to a party of four on her turn. And that's not even factoring in her rot aura or her legendary actions. So if you want to get good and beat her, it's a great idea to not group up.