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The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Aug. 26-Sept. 1)

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform might be rebranding to X, their humor lives on.

Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.

Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.

My favorite thing about giving great advice is having the audacity to do the exact opposite in my own life.

— Annie the Nanny (@AnnietheNanny1) August 31, 2023 ">

I be walking around w one AirPod in like a fckn secret service agent like girl

— ROYALE (@royalepains) August 28, 2023 ">

basketball’s all like gimme that pumpkin i need it and tennis is all like fuck this lemon you take it

— kim (@KimmyMonte) August 28, 2023 ">

I hate to say it, but ever since Blake Shelton was named sexiest man alive things have been in shambles.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) August 27, 2023 ">

no one is living a better life than the dog of a married couple who have decided not to have kids

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) August 31, 2023 ">

That poop on the first day of your period should clear up any confusion to what God’s gender is.

— Project Pat Robertson (@Kyla_Lacey) August 28, 2023 ">

no summer can’t end i have yet to find a good peach and eat it over the sink

— bettina (@bettinamak) August 28, 2023 ">

you only really funny if u can make your therapist laugh

— . (@NoEmmeG) August 31, 2023 ">

Friendly reminder that it might be time to clean out your purse. pic.twitter.com/q41QHfNclX

— Jenny Lawson (@TheBloggess) August 30, 2023 ">

coffee isn’t enough. i need to be struck by lightning

— trash jones (@jzux) August 31, 2023 ">

why is it always the funniest thing on the planet when a dog rubs their ass on the ground or floor

— rachel (@rachelmillman) September 1, 2023 ">

I’m only able to open up to a person after many years of close friendship or 3 seconds of awkward silence in a conversation.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 27, 2023 ">

It is shocking to me that there exist, on this good green earth, people who purchase chocolate chips and then just keep them in the pantry until a Baking Time is upon them, and do not scarf them out of hand at random intervals like a ravenous hamster. Anthropology is fascinating.

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 13, 2023 ">

God that Harvard training is good https://t.co/rY0hhrVFJx

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) August 28, 2023 ">

Spending time with your parents is fun because you get to hear so many sounds you didn't realize that phones can make.

— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) August 31, 2023 ">

Adulting is going to the grocery store to buy food and then having Cap’n Crunch for dinner because you can’t be bothered to cook what you bought.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) August 31, 2023 ">

Love to look everywhere in the whole entire house, high and low, nook and cranny, shaking the treat bag and calling for your cat that you can’t find—only to have them stroll into the room from who-knows-where, as you’re really starting to panic, all: “Why are you being so loud?”

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) August 27, 2023 ">

I just want what any girl wants for her birthday. Flowers, bodily autonomy, a pack of trained she-wolves, and pockets in every dress and pair of pants.

— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 28, 2023 ">

Coffee’s amazing; it gives you energy & helps you poop. Those are the two best things.

— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) August 28, 2023 ">

Me: wow it’s so nice outside maybe I should work from my hammock in my backyard and truly live out my work from home fantasy

Me five minutes later *hunched over my desktop in the dark dungeon of my home office I still haven’t fully set up since moving*

— Cara Zelaya (@carazelaya) August 31, 2023 ">

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