“Got. Got. Got. Need. Swap.” Footballer exchange deals sounds so simple on paper – “We want your player, you want our player. How convenient!” – but in reality they are far more difficult than filling your Panini sticker album (which is hard enough in itself!).

Frequently mooted by the media because they appear to make sense, in real life swap deals hardly EVER happen. Rather than cutting out the red tape, they actually increase it.

That’s why, for instance, Arsenal ended up having to complete a separate deal to buy Henrikh Mkhitaryan from Manchester United rather than “swapping” him for Alexis Sanchez.

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But it appears the Gunners do not learn from their experiences, because they have immediately found themselves embroiled in another potential swap deal with Borussia Dortmund: Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang for Olivier Giroud. And it’s not going well.

German paper Kicker reports that talks between the two clubs have “stalled” and that an agreement is “currently more questionable than ever”. The sticking points are Aubameyang’s transfer fee and Giroud’s reluctance (or, if reports are to be believed, his wife’s reluctance) to live in Dortmund.

The Star says Arsenal have been told by the Germans to break their transfer record (of £52m) to sign the Gabonese goal machine. The Premier League club have offered just over £50m but their Bundesliga rivals are demanding “closer to £60m”.

The Mail says Dortmund have become so fed up that they are set to “walk away” from the Giroud deal, thereby endangering the Aubameyang deal.

And the Mirror says Chelsea have now entered the race to sign Giroud after realising he is the only 6ft-plus Premier League striker they haven’t already tried to buy this month.

But will Giroud’s wife be prepared to move all the way to west London? That would mean taking the District Line, which is slower than Per Mertesacker after a Sunday roast.

Lucas Moura visits Tottenham training ground

At least it wouldn’t be as bad as having to commute to Wembley, which is what Lucas Moura be faced with if he seals his proposed move to Tottenham.

The Telegraph says the Paris Saint-Germain winger has been given a guided tour of the Spurs training ground ahead of a potential £22m move, and that the Brazilian was left suitably impressed to put Mauricio Pochettino’s side in the “driving seat” to sign him.

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READ MORE: Mourinho signs new Man Utd deal but confusion reigns over Sanchez

Rounding up the London-based transfer gossip, West Ham have reportedly made a £12m bid for Norwich midfielder James Maddison (Guardian) while preparing a £15m offer for Fulham midfielder Tom Cairney (Sky Sports). The Hammers are also set to sell Diafra Sakho to French side Rennes after the striker declared his burning desire to leave the club for the 112th time (Sun).

Elsewhere, Real Madrid are being linked with their weekly move for Chelsea playmaker Eden Hazard (Mirror), Everton forward Sandro Ramirez has demanded to leave Goodison Park after a miserable six months on Merseyside (Mail) and Mauricio Pochettino says he would rather work on a farm than manage Arsenal or Barcelona (Express). There is the makings of an excellent reality TV show there.