In a parallel universe somewhere, this is the day England are celebrating winning the most winnable World Cup of our lifetime.

Harry Kane has just downed his 17th pint and is breakdancing in Red Square in his boxer shorts, Fabian Delph is being linked with a big-money move to Barcelona and Gareth Southgate has been drafted in to lead Brexit negotiations.

But alas, in this world, France won it. So it’s Paul Pogba who is dancing the morning away, Steven Nzoni that’s being tipped to join Barcelona and Didier Deschamps who is now officially BFFs with President Emmanuel Macron.

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That’s true about Steven Nzonzi by the way. In a World Cup final, 35-minute substitute appearances can change lives, and today’s Express claims that the former Blackburn and Stoke midfielder is being lined up for a move to the Nou Camp as a “replacement for Andres Iniesta”. I’m not making this up – that’s literally what they’ve written.

This would reportedly come as a blow to Arsenal, who had been hoping to sign Nzonzi too, expect they viewed him as more of a replacement for Francis Coquelin.

Chelsea demand £200m-plus fee for Eden Hazard

Another man hoping to profit from the World Cup effect is Russia 2018 Golden Glove winner, Thibaut Courtois.

The Mirror reports that the Belgian goalkeeper has “plunged Chelsea into full-scale crisis” after suggesting that he could follow teammate Eden Hazard out of the club despite being offered a £250,000-a-week deal to stay at Stamford Bridge.

“With this World Cup, I think what was on the table is different than what I can have,” commented the 26-year-old, who evidently believes his displays in Russia present a timely opportunity to maximise his earning potential.

As for Hazard, the Times says Roman Abramovich will demand a world record transfer fee “in excess of £200m” from Real Madrid to sign the playmaker. However, the 27-year-old’s recent confession that he wants to move to the Bernabeu could weaken the English side’s hand at the negotiating table.

In more positive news for Chelsea fans, Corriere dello Sport says the Blues – having pipped Manchester City to the signing of Jorginho – are now set to hijack Manchester United’s move for the Lazio midfielder Sergej Milinkovic-Savic.

The 23-year-old Serbian is valued at around £90m and will be well known to new Chelsea manager Maurizio Sarri from their time as rivals in Serie A.

Fulham battle Inter for Malcom

Just down the road at Craven Cottage, Fulham aren’t messing about. Having stunned us all with last week’s £35m capture of Jean-Michael Seri, the Sun says the Premier League newcomers are now going to toe-to-toe with Inter Milan to sign the Bordeaux winger Malcom.

The 21-year-old Brazilian, who has also been linked with Arsenal and Tottenham, was on the verge of moving to the San Siro on loan but Fulham are allegedly trying to trump the Italian’s offer by buying him outright this summer for £35m.

Elsewhere, Liverpool have tabled a bid for Barcelona’s 29-year-old Dutch goalkeeper Jasper Cillessen (Mundo Deportivo), Luke Shaw is prepared to leave Man Utd as a free agent next summer if he cannot force his way into Jose Mourinho’s starting line-up (Manchester Evening News) and West Ham striker Andy Carroll has been offered to Turkish side Besiktas (90min). The Geordie Adonis has just been ruled out for three months with his latest injury, so the Hammers are presumably hoping that news hasn’t been reported in Turkey.