How to help journalists at the Euro 2016 tournament

Football, as we all know, is about celebrity. It is about the people with the cultural weight and internet impact to spark the fans into ecstasy. To get them riled up in support against one another. Two tribes clash, some defending the latest TV advert talking up a big new signing, others attacking their overrated and overstated ability. These people are the lifeblood of the game. Simply put, without them we wouldn’t have football anymore, not like it is now, where social media is as important as the goals themselves. That’s right, it is the journalists and the bloggers who are now at the heart of the game, and they are currently preparing for the biggest tournament of their lives. If the World Cup was the first truly digital international tournament, then Euro 2016 will be the culmination of years of internet excellence. Here is some of the treats we have yet to come.

Wifi

When you see tweets from writers complaining about the lack of effective wifi connection in the stadium or in their hotel, this should not be misinterpreted. Some, foolishly, see it as the boring complaint over work conditions that nobody else really cares about. After all, does anyone care if a paper mill in Shrewsbury struggles to get the broadband speed promised to them by misleading telecommunication companies? No, but that’s because journalists and bloggers are the most important people at this event. Just think of all the things that could be delayed by a dodgy connection. Five Things We Learned would be there, hanging in the electronic ether, for possibly 20 minutes longer than usual. Six interviews of Chris Smalling from each regular on Sunday Supplement may not make the early edition of the papers. The implications of this, and the suffering it would cause, does not stomach thinking about.

How to help: Constantly tweet your favourite writers to ask how the wifi is at their end. If you don’t get a reply, you can assume that their wifi isn’t working.

Travel

Trains, plains and in at least one inevitable and no doubt hilarious case, automobiles. Throughout June you can be assured that at least one journalist or blogger will suffer the indignity and inconvenience of having to rearrange his travel plans. There are strikes and security concerns in France right now, and one might be tempted to place his or her focus on the dangers posed by Islamic terrorism, or the effects on Francois Hollande’s administration and what it might mean for the viability of any kind of socialism in Europe. You will soon be put right that an extra three hours’ travel on the slow train from Marseille to Toulouse is actually going to lead to some rather hasty hotel check-ins at the other end.

How to help: Immediately after a game ends, be sure to send newspaper and website editors the latest train and bus timetables, and the location of the nearest car rental offices.

Beer with mates

Is Facebook a great thing, or the greatest thing? The answer to that question is obviously, ‘Absolutely!’ Words cannot describe the joy that everyone feels logging into Facebook, scrolling down the timeline to see how everyone in the world, or your 5,000 closest friends, are getting on. Think of the visceral rush when you see pictures of tables covered in empties. Think of the cerebral thrill when you see mutual friends hitting it off in your absence. Think of all the UKIP and EDL posts that get put up by certain people. It is a relentless and untrammelled joy. Well, the good news is that now Twitter will give you all of this, and from writers you’ve never met. They will be exchanging beer and meals, because they are mates who like beer, and they don’t want you to miss out - and obviously you don’t want to miss out either! Relax, they’ve got you covered.

How to help: Send gifs of Drake holding a champagne bottle. They are the rap stars of our world.

Pictures of team sheets

You need news hard, and you need it fast. What you need are team sheets. But you don’t need one picture of the same team sheet. You need at least six, preferably all with the same manual retweet of the club’s account, for added clarity. You also need a picture of the team sheet next to a computer, as proof that these people are actually at the game. There have been stories of journalists writing match reports from home, pretending that they actually attended. This is, like a kidnapped person holding a picture of today’s newspaper with all their fingers intact, their proof of life. It is not a waste of everyone’s time.

How to help: Let their families and editors know that they have not been kidnapped.

Barely concealed jealousy from writers who are not going

How to help: Send money.