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HOT FOOTBALL GOSSIP: Muller, Falcao, Ronaldo, Herrera, Neves

The papers have had a full day since Diego Costa’s fight with a bib in the White Hart Lane dugout to come up with Chelsea’s replacement for the angry striker, and the man they’ve chosen is Thomas Muller. The back page of today’s Mirror screams “Muller in, Mauler out”, which is one of those times you wonder whether they came up with the headline before the actual story, as the tabloid declares that the Blues are “ready to rival Manchester United” in the race to sign the Bayern Munich superstar. They don’t give us much more information than that - the whole story is done and dusted in three sentences. Maybe they know deep down there’s even less chance of Muller quitting the Allianz Arena for Stamford Bridge than there is of him moving to Old Trafford - a switch that has already been categorically ruled out by the Germans. Still, nice headline.

The guy you really have to feel sorry for in this is Radamel Falcao, who is not even being suggested as a serious alternative to Costa even though that’s the exact job he was signed to do. Instead, the Mail reports that Chelsea “fear they will be lumbered” with Falcao until the end of the season because his parent club Monaco don’t want him back.

In happier news, Cristiano Ronaldo’s mum has handed Man Utd fans a boost by declaring that she would prefer her special little guy to join the Red Devils rather than Paris Saint-Germain, reports the Mirror. Dolores Aveiro said, “…” oh, we don’t know what she said because there are no quotes. So how the Mirror knows what Ronaldo’s mum thinks is anyone’s guess, but still… it’s something for United fans to cling to during these lonely winter nights.

The Star says Ander Herrera has demanded “showdown talks” with Louis van Gaal over his Old Trafford future, which sounds a bit more dramatic than it will probably be in reality: “Will you ever put me in the team, gaffer?” “Yes Ander, sometimes.” “OK, thanks.”

Arsenal want to sign Porto’s £22m-rated so-called wonderkid Ruben Neves to fill in for injured midfielder Francis Coquelin, while the Gunners will also apparently go toe-to-toe with Spurs to sign PSG forward Adrien Rabiot.

Meanwhile, Southampton are keen on Brighton’s 21-year-old winger Solly March for £7.5m, Stoke City’s Jack Butland is “not for sale at any price” and Porto’s struggling Iker Casillas is for sale at any price, with the USA likely to be his final destination.

@darlingkevin