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Hot football transfer gossip: Arsenal ‘target £22m Belgian striker’

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Arsenal target £22m Belgian striker. Five simple yet such powerful words. They could teach that to journalism students when trying to describe the perfect online news headline. You could stick all sorts of things in there - Corbyn, refugees, cats, economy, Iraq, Les Dennis - but in terms of hits they’ll all struggle to compete with Arsenal target £22m Belgian striker. It’s got the lot. That’s why you’re reading this right now. So let’s break it down.

Arsenal: Huge club, loads of money, French manager who rarely seems to spend any of it, just got smashed in Europe by Dinamo Zagreb. And 2-1 might not be a smashing, but it counts as one if you’re Arsenal playing Dinamo Zagreb.

Target: We kind of need this because it’s a verb and without it the headline would not really make sense. But it’s a good verb, connoting lethal action but vaguely enough to be used without it actually meaning anything. Conjures images of guns, which is a plus.

£22m: A nicely intriguing sum for a story about Arsenal (as opposed to, say, Brentford). Anything less than £20m would scream ‘back-up player’ and anything more than £40m screams 'Karim Benzema’ and people should be bored with that by now (although they’re not).

Belgian: As Forrest Gump said, “Footballers are like a box of chocolates”. What he meant was, stick the word 'Belgian’ in front of them and they suddenly sound more alluring and inspirational. Unless they’re Divock Origi.

Striker: Not only is this the sexiest position, so to speak, but it’s also the one that gets Arsenal fans most excited. Gunners fans crave a striker, and Olivier Giroud’s recent woes - not to mention Danny Welbeck’s - have intensified that craving.

So that’s your headline, and here’s your story…

Arsenal have been linked by the Metro with a January swoop for Marseille’s 21-year-old, £22m-rated Belgian striker Michy Batshuayi. He’s got three goals and two assists in five games so far this season, and he scored 10 last campaign. He’s played for once for Belgium, against Cyprus earlier this year, and he scored. Will the Gunners sign him? No idea - probably not.

Moving on, Manchester United are keen on 21-year-old Leeds left-back Charlie Taylor, says the Daily Star. Chelsea are interested in 18-year-old Porto midfielder Ruben Neves, claims HITC. Former Arsenal striker Carlos Vela has said he could leave Real Sociedad in January, reports Sport. And Tottenham goalkeeper Hugo Lloris has rubbished reports linking him with a move, declares Talksport.

@darlingkevin