A list of couples you just knew would get together: Minogue and Donovan, Pitt and Jolie, Sharon and Phil, Trump and Farage. And here’s another one with a whiff of inevitably about it: Morata and Chelsea.

Since Romelu Lukaku ditched the Blues for Manchester United, and United ditched Morata for Lukaku, it has been written in the stars that these two lonely souls will find each other.

Whether this is a relationship based on true love like Sharon and Phil, or mere circumstance like Kylie and Jason, or pure manly lust like Trump and Farage, is essentially irrelevant. All that matters is they want each other and they need each other right now.

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It’s no surprise, therefore, to see today’s Sun reporting that Chelsea are set to make a £62m bid to bring the Real Madrid striker to Stamford Bridge.

It’s not quite as straightforward as that though. Because the tabloid adds that the Blues’ offer will be rejected as Real “know they are in a strong bargaining position”. Clearly the Spanish champions haven’t learned their lesson from playing hardball with United over their striker and then seeing the move collapse.

It’s all just another sharp dig in the testicles for Morata, the 2017 summer transfer window’s most hapless man. Having already cut short his honeymoon to make sure (unsuccessfully) that his move to Old Trafford went through, the Spaniard now has to wait for Real try to squeeze more money out of the deal, even though they don’t even like him that much. You’d almost feel sorry for him if he wasn’t a millionaire with six cars* and a beautiful wife.

Chelsea are also said to be “closing in” on the £35m-plus signing of Monaco midfielder Tiemoue Bakayoko (Sky Sports) although that was also reportedly the case six weeks ago.

Man Utd, meanwhile, are feeling so pumped about their Lukaku purchase that they are refusing to give up on the of signing Eric Dier despite Tottenham’s insistence that the midfielder is not for sale.

The Mirror says the Red Devils are willing to shell out an “irresistible” £60m for the 23-year-old, who is apparently “keen to move up north”. Presumably for the large salary increase rather than the earthy vibe.

Tug of war

Alternatively, United could yet snatch Bakayoko from Chelsea. The Mail says Red Devils manager Jose Mourinho is willing to pay £40m for the French international and turn the pursuit into a “tug of war”.

Arsenal’s willingness to make themselves look silly in this transfer window seemingly knows no bounds as they throw their hat into the ring for yet another target who is almost certainly out of their reach.

The Sun says the Gunners have “joined the race” to sign Southampton’s £60m-rated centre-back Virgil van Dijk. All they need is for him to reject Man City, Chelsea and Liverpool to play in the Europa League instead.

This comes amid fears that the one player the Gunners have signed, Alexandre Lacazette, might actually be rubbish. The Manchester Evening News reports that Man Utd scouts who watched the striker at Lyon were unimpressed, reporting “doubts about his pace, physical presence and his impact in big games”. Too late for a refund on that £46m now, Arsene.

Elsewhere, Arsenal manager Wenger is refusing to sell Olivier Giroud until the futures of Alexis Sanchez and Gunners midfield target Thomas Lemar are resolved (Telegraph), Man City “remain confident” that free agent Dani Alves will choose them ahead of Paris Saint-Germain (Mail) and Tottenham defender Kevin Wimmer has declared that he wants to quit the club in search of regular first-team football (Mirror). You were already up for sale actually Kevin, but thanks for this anyway.

*The stated number of cars owned by Alvaro Morata is an unsubstantiated estimate.

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