Hot Football Transfer Gossip: Liverpool to sell Coutinho, buy Higuain

Today’s Hot Football Transfer Gossip is brought to you by Brazil and Paris Saint-Germain defender David Luiz. We don’t mean he’s actually writing the column; that would be too expensive - the guy’s day rate is ridiculous. Plus, he’s a terrible writer, even worse than Morrissey. But instead we are channelling David Luiz’s insider football knowledge, via the medium of the Sunday Express, to reveal to you the sad news that Philippe Coutinho will be leaving Liverpool next summer. Luiz doesn’t know where Coutinho will go; all he knows is it will be somewhere better than Liverpool. “The best need to be playing with the best,” Luiz said, following another easy victory against a bang average side in Ligue 1.

The cheerier news for Liverpool fans is that they can avoid Coutinho leaving, David Luiz says, by qualifying for the Champions League. This may explain why, according to Spanish media outlet Fichajes, the Reds are going all out to sign Gonzalo Higuain in January. Arsenal fans always regretted not signing Higuain because if they had, they would have definitely won the league by now, apparently. Presumably Brendan Rodgers has been talking to some Gunners fans in the pub, because he is reportedly set to splash out a minimum £33m on the Napoli striker.

Rodgers will also be taking on Everton, not just in today’s Merseyside derby but also for the signature of Ajax winger Anwar El Ghazi, described by the Sunday People as some kind of “whizzkid”. The £12m-rated 20-year-old, who has scored seven goals in six games in the Dutch league this season, is also apparently a target for Southampton.

Another in-demand Dutchman is Porto defender Bruno Martins Indi, who the Sunday Express claim is wanted by Manchester United. They have, to be fair, been claiming this ever since Louis van Gaal arrived at Old Trafford, presumably because both he and Martins Indi are from Holland. But that’s, like, racist. Just because the player is Dutch it doesn’t mean LVG will sign him, otherwise the Red Devils would have Pierre van Hooijdonk and Bryan Roy playing up front. That would be good actually.

Moving away from players that LVG loves (Dutch ones) to players he the opposite of loves (Victor Valdes), the Metro reports that the Red Devils’ reserve reserve (not a typo) goalkeeper will finally end his United nightmare in January by signing for Seville.

Finally, Brazilian midfielder Victor Andrade is on his way to the Premier League, says the Sunday Mirror. The 20-year-old has played three times for Benfica’s first team but, because it’s Manchester City that want him, he is already worth £25m.

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