“Our fans are leaving at an exponential rate. We’ve been hit with anthem protests, protests to those protests and, worst of all, concussions. The more reports that come out, the more people are getting turned off by football,” said Jones. He then explained that the NFL believes water bears are their last hope, and have been experimenting with them to try to make them football fans.
However, to find out whether the water bears were truly the key to the NFL’s survival, they had to do a little experiment, which consisted of inserting a microscopic FedEx box into the bowl of water with the water bears. Just as they hoped, the tiny animals showed interest in the box, and within seconds, were dressed in Broncos, Rams, and Packers paraphernalia. Unfortunately, the new mad-at-life Heidi decided to put an end to the tardigrades for her own reasons — so Jerry Jones was forced to return to the NFL headquarters empty-handed.
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